The Organ Lady, as the younger crowed fondly christened her, had become a livin' historical landmark of sorts in our small town. Her silhouette was recognizable to the undressed eye from a quarter mile away.
The shape of her figure was akin to that of an eggplant with her hair standin' up in support of this observation, havin' a distinct purple tint to the soft gray curls. She was never seen out of doors without one of her homemade hats adornin' her head like a halo. I say homemade, in truth the hats were rummage sale finds from years gone by. No, it was the ornamentation that bedecked each crownin' glory that came straight from the imagination of Ms. Deanie Roze. You never knew what to expect, especially on holidays, bein' as The Organ Lady was a unique individual. Unique in the sense that she marched to a different drum, danced to her own band, spoke her own langauge...you get the drift.
I remember well the first time I set eyes upon her. I was fairly new to town, only havin' lived there since June and it was the end of October to be exact. I had ran down to the fillin' station to fetch a pack of smokes for my old man. I was 7 at the time, but the station was only two doors down and it was the 60's. A time when nobody locked their doors, everybody knew their neighbors and kids weren't considered an endangered species.
I was a regular to the joint, scopin' out the candy selection, buyin' an icecream or drinkin' a coke, not to mention the countless trips to satisfy my old man's nicoteine fits.
It must be mentioned that there was a daily assemblage of patriarchal men who rubbed eyeballs at the soda fountain bar. They passed their time playin' cards, chewin' the fat and pesterin' kids like me. That day would be no exception.
You see, The Organ Lady and me, we had somethin' in common...hats. Where as she had many, I had one. One very special hat that I wore at all times, 'ceptin for when I was in school or sleepin'. It was a black felt cowboy hat with white leather lacin' around the brim. I almost felt naked without it. The old farts liked to rib me about it, but I paid them no mind...water off a duck's back and such.
It was Halloween and I was already dressed and rearin' to go. As you may have already guessed, I was in full cowboy riggin'. I had on real suede chaps, a brand new pair of boots, pistols at my sides fully loaded with caps, a white western shirt with them pretty pearlized buttons and, of course, my black felt cowboy hat. I must say I was feelin' about ten foot tall and bullet proof. I strode into the fillin' station as if I were Billy the Kid himself back from the dead. All of this was not lost on the band of thieves sittin' on their thrones. Needless to say, it made me a sittin' duck and they couldn't resist firin' away, but this time they went too far.
As I walked the gang plank that is the aisle behind their stools that leads to the register I could sense that somethin' big was about to happen. They were way too quiet and laidback. I nervously picked up the pace and I was almost homefree when I felt my hat rise off my head.
I spun around just in time to see them pass it down the amen pew as if it were a collection plate, with each one takin' a turn at droppin' in some change. When it reached the end of the line it was passed behind the counter to Joe the Clerk, the high school dropout, the "I'll do anythin' for a buck" kinda guy.
Mr. Walter Smart, the mastermind of the small congregation who very much resembled a weeble wobble from the top of his shiny bald head to his pristinely starched clothes that just barely contained his egg shaped figure, then proceeded to tell Joe the Schmoe that the money was his if he'd pee in the hat.
Joe thought about this proposition for, oh, say, ten seconds, upon the expiration of which he dumped the change out on the bar and placed the hat atop his head while he unzipped his pants.
It is at this point where things become fuzzy for me. I think I suffered some form of outerbody experience brought on by the shock of what was occurrin' in front of my very own eyes. I remember Joe loomin' like a gargantuan Howdy Doody with my too small hat perched upon his too red hair and his big ears stickin' out like two open car doors.
The trigger that would set off the ensuing events was the sound of a trickle, like that of a fountain...or a stream of urine, splattering out into space. The state of emergency that now existed within my own mind was causing a river of adrenaline to flow throughout my body that I'm sure rivaled that of the great Mississippi herself. It was from this driving force that I drew my pistol and bounded over the counter like a hurdler on speed. Things were serious now...I had me a hostage.
Now I know you're wonderin' how a seven year old boy with a cap gun could hold a grown man hostage, but really, it was quite simple. You add a little bit of desperation with a dash of creativity and a touch of temporary insanity and wa la, you have what I fondly call "the trigger rigger"...
Posted by captainhoof
at 11:12 AM CDT