Wednesday, 25 August 2004 - 8:47 PM CDT
Name:
Maria Von Trapp
Dear Administration Staff
Yes, that means you, so put that lady/coffee/wacky wafery thing down and pay attention.
A Theory.
A little while ago, I tried to post a comment that suggested that maybe Rance was none other than the child actor/author/auteur/hater of all things Hollywood, Kenneth Anger. Yep, he might be in his seventies, but he does have a lot of stories about the dirtier side of Hollywood, and by george, a pretty big axe to grind. He also has a book that he's trying to publish, but no one will touch it because it is so litigious. (See where I coming from?) Besides that he's doing an exhibition in London, and has several films on the go, so no wonder he's busy. My theory falls down when it comes to the ladies, as it seems that Anger prefers to bat for the other side, but I figured he (Rance/Anger) might have just been telling porkies when he let us in on the saucy stuff.
Thing is, you fellas/ladies/undecided, didn't post the comment, so I had to take it as evidence that I was right (I'm quick to jump to conclusions.) If you don't post this one, I will assume it to be conclusive.
Come on.... satisfy my curiousity.
Also, I have previously suggested that due to a strange european pop-up that appeared when I posted a comment a while ago, you or Rance may be endorsing penile enhancement equipment. Yes, I can understand that its a sensitive issue, but that one didn't go up either and I was wondering if there is any criteria for posting comments. For example, 'please don't mention penile enhancements, they're a sensitive issue around here'. Or such like.
Furthermore, (I'm on a roll). I have a proposition.
A Proposition.
This doesn't have to go up now, as things seem quite busy and interesting at the moment, but if things do slacken off, and following the 'outing', I wondered about having a bit of a Q&A for the users of the site, to well, get to know people a bit more on here. Afterall, everyone seems nice and funny, and they all get along, so why not, and it will help pass the time til Rance feels like posting again. (Or answering the following, though I'm imagining that what with dodging libel suits and making lots of films, he won't have time)
In the interests of leading by example, I will go first:
1. Sign?
No Entry
2. Sex?
My pseudoname is that of a nun. What do you think?
3. Profession?
Undisclosed. As the old adage goes, if I told you that I'd have to kill you, and I'm too busy doing undisclosed things to up and find you, and even if I did manage to, I'd bottle it, because I'm not much of a person for killing things. If pushed, I might try to crush an orange in my hand, but even that would be a pretty pathetic attempt, as my hand is in a cast from the last (rather enthusiastic) job I did, and even as I write, it's only with my two middle fingers, so perhaps you can appreciate the effort this is taking.
4. Favorite colour?
Burnt Umber. (It sounds nice, but looks like a dirty yellow, if I remember correctly.)
5. You hit the Jackpot and become a squllionaire. What do you do?
Chuck in the day job and head for the hills. I may be persuaded to invest in Nestle on the condition that they stop being meanies and bring back the wafers. (BTW, would chunky kit kats do the trick?)
6. Can you speak any foreign languages?
I recently learned the Norweigan for Big Toe. It's 'stoodlie tut', but thats spelt phonetically, and I may have misheard.
7. Fate has it that your suddenly made Grand High Emporer(ess) of the entire world. What one rule would you immediately enforce?
Bring back the wafers Nestle, or feel my wrath. (I plan on having my hand out of the cast and a very big pile of oranges.)
8. Do you actually believe in fate?
Yes (hence the stockpiling of Oranges)
9. Irrational Fear?
Umbrellas. It's not irrational, but based on several traumatic childhood experiences.
10. Are you Rance?
No.
11. Why are you here?
I like you.
12. What are you doing tomorrow?
That's classified.
What d'ya think? (Yep, A.S, thats to you again)
And even if this doesn't make it onto the board, at least let me know if I hit the bullseye with the Kenneth Anger thing. Wink or something.
Have a nice evening (or whatever time it is), and thanks for being there.
TTFN.
xx
