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Rance wuz here...
Saturday, 14 January 2006
From the Digital Mail Bag...
Dear Mr. Rance,

Firstly, although this is manually keyed using a duly backdated version of Microsoft Word 2303, my grasp on your antiquated dialect, as pertains to twenty-first century American slang English in written form is limited.

Secondly, it is with great pleasure to address a legendary "big screen" actor of the atomic age (hope my dates are right, terrible history student). I have probably seen as many of your old films as have been reformatted to hologratom; a sort of entertainment viewing device which combines the principals of holographic imaging as well as the manipulation of crude matter used for sense stimulation purposes--probably not yet even shallowly tangible in your times but I digress.

So my true reasons for contact. I am in search of my great, great- great, great, once more many times over, grandfather who, according to the New Los Angeles County database of cyberspace cache (the old Los Angeles was unfortunately precluded when it fell below sea level during the Big One of '79--that would be 2279 from your perspective), was an avid reader and message leaver of your cyber net publication "Rance wuz here".

Not unlike most Americans of your era save for the extremely wealthy, my grandfather lived in poverty; this was the only lead I could "dig up" as they say in your time.

Oh my. I believe I have forgone the most crucial of information regarding this entire letter, most likely rendering all writings above a seemingly inane babble of crazed proportion!

I suppose I would use the name [withheld] --yes, that would be what I would have called myself in 2006-- the old customs of having family names are of no use here and I'm not particularly savvy on how that came to be (my brainwaves were incompatible with the stimulation module for that certain history volume and I had to take an online course like they did in the olden times, in which I got an F). Nowadays --meaning in my own time I'm simply known as or Hitmo for short.

I am, for lack any way to say this without inducing some sort of shock, from the future; twenty-six hundred ninety-two to be exact.

Any leads to the current whereabouts of my great x10 grandfather would be much appreciated. Please know that my time here is limited for reasons I cannot disclose, in the very least I can say that time travel is not exactly legal in my time.

I realize that this letter may read as some quack-written diatribe of some long since committed lunatic; however I implore you, feel free to ask any questions you like about the future. I shall do my best to answer them as honestly as I can.

Jack flopping Kennedy! I am surely glad the cyber heads of your century invented the internet acronym. It must have taken months to participate in your chat programs!

Do not despair about posting this to your cyber space; it will not cause a "time/space paradox which could unravel the very threads of the universe," that is just what you people would have called "a moldy wives tail."

Posted by captainhoof at 2:32 PM CST
Updated: Saturday, 14 January 2006 2:35 PM CST
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Tuesday, 28 June 2005
Scrimshaws...It's a First! Two scrimshaws of the same image. Wow!

By Trillian

By Labs

Great work Ladies. GMTA!!

Posted by captainhoof at 4:08 PM CDT
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Tuesday, 21 June 2005
Pirates of Pensacola, Chapters 27-31
1) I was a complete chicken as a child, but Polly found that warnings of a sea monster, intended to keep the kids close to home, just made her want to explore even more. Were you ever given a warning that backfired- making you have a stonger desire to do that which was warned against?

2) What was the sea monsters' name?

2b) Why does that name make me imagine the monster wearing a tophat and monocle? Oops, sorry, rhetorical question.

3)Polly lives for the pursuit of aventure; Morgan, in pursuit of stability; Isaac, in pursuit of gold. What do you live in pursuit of?

4)What's the strangest way or place that you've begun a relationship?

5)"Single-stick" and "head bumping" sound like interesting sports to watch, although I'm partial to the Caber Toss myself. What's your favorite sport to watch?

6) What's the oddest item you've bought at auction?

7) What's your weakness?

8) Describe your arch-enemy.

This section offers lots of lovely word-pictures to spark your imagination. Please send in your scrimshaws now.

Posted by captainhoof at 10:23 AM CDT
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Monday, 20 June 2005

By: Trillian

By: Rancette

Posted by captainhoof at 9:49 AM CDT
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Monday, 13 June 2005
Pirates of Pensacola...Chapters 23 - 26
1) Is the glass half empty, or half full?

2) (Other than Bolidar), does true evil exist? Explain.

3) Isaac and Morgan are convicted of numerous crimes, including “swimming to far from shore.” Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Should you have been?

4) What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever heard a bird say?

5) Haiki sounds like it should be the plural form of haiku. Write a PoP related haiku.

6) A character is described as “Not the brightest bulb anywhere there are bulbs.” What’s you favorite euphemism for “stupid”?

7) As a child, were you good at hide & seek? What was your favorite hiding place?

8) What was the most misguided act of chivalry you’ve seen? Is chivalry dead? Should it be?

9) Where was the elusive hiding place of the key to the Sea Patrol boat?

10) Do you have any tattoos? Details, please.

Scrimshaws now being accepted.

Posted by captainhoof at 12:45 PM CDT
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Sunday, 12 June 2005
We will be moving forward with the book club per Trillian's generous offer.

In the meantime, I have decided to pick a scrimshaw winner for the first leg of our story. This highest of honors I bestow on Gnomie, who has amazingly participated without having been able to buy the book and read the story.

So, Gnomie, send in your scrimshaw request along with your mailing addy. If you want a portrait, you can email a picture for him to go off of. If you'd like to see examples of his drawings so you might get a better feel for what you want, visit

Thank you,


Posted by captainhoof at 10:11 AM CDT
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Tuesday, 24 May 2005
Scrimshaws for Pirates of Pensacola, Chapters 18-21
By: Trillian

By: Gnomie

By: Labs

By: Bastardess

Commissioned by: Feenxc
Drawn by: My kid

By: "H"

Posted by captainhoof at 12:37 PM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, 25 May 2005 2:59 PM CDT
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Thursday, 19 May 2005
Pirates of Pensacola, Chapters 18-22
1. What's the wackiest thing you've ever seen or done at a funeral?

2. Recite the verse following the one Isaac read from Jeremiah.

3. Any interesting experiences with a corpse?

4. Where did JOsiah conceal his weapon?

5. Make as many words out of Paixhan as you can.

6. Do you suppose the word "hood" was derived from "the Hoods"?

7. Anybody now regret a recent purchase and consumption of fish sticks?

8. Favorite line? Mine = "Cripes," Isaac said. "Which was the hard part? 'Get'? 'The'? Or, 'Bible'?"

9. Scrimshaws are now being accepted. Send them in.

10. Any questions for the author or comments?

Posted by captainhoof at 9:22 AM CDT
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Wednesday, 18 May 2005
Running a few hours behind.
New book club questions up tonight. Get those pencils ready. I expect a scrimshaw from every one of you. That includes you too Wendyjo. BTW, your absence from last week was excused. (<,


P.S. Gnomie, I'll be sending you something to scrimshaw.

feenxc, if you want to enter a scrimshaw, just let me know what you would have drawn if you could have drawn it and I'll have one of my kids draw it for you. Okay?

Posted by captainhoof at 4:38 PM CDT
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Monday, 16 May 2005
Scrimshaws for Chapters 11-17...Fabulous work Ladies...really

By: Trillian

By: A Bastardess

By: Labs

By: Gnomie

By: Grace

Posted by captainhoof at 10:38 AM CDT
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