Pardon the Interruption Part 18 by Curious Girl
The police cruiser careened down the main drag and then made an exit down one of Opelika's older roads. Riding inside, Anna still clutched the ancient police folder while the normally chatty Deputy Kaelin silently gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road. "Christ, this is getting ridiculous" thought Kaelin. Normally big excitement for Opelika meant bingo night at the community center, or a meat draw at the Elk's lodge. Certainly not the flurry of police calls regarding break-ins, temporary abductions, and now possibly worse. Much worse. So much for that afternoon nap.

Trees and fields whizzed by as the twosome headed toward the less populous outskitrts of town. As they crested a hill, Anna could see a large white structure below them. More noticable were the staccato blinks of red white and blue announcing the presence of emergency vehicles. Deputy Kaelin let out a low whistle as they pulled off the road and into the circular drive of the Opelika Inn.

A couple of cruisers, a car marked "County Sherriff", and an ambulance sat parked in front of the Inn, all with their lights ablaze. Numerous figures milled about, some looked official, others appeared to be curious rubberneckers. "Anna, I need you to sit tight while I find out what the story is" said Kaelin. "This could take a mighty long time". Anna nodded as the Deputy stepped out of the vehicle.

Anna stared out the car window at the building in front of her. Clearly, the Opelika Inn had seen better days. The building's once rustic charm had been replaced by a frayed seediness as evidenced by peeling paint and tired sags in the roof overhangs. Most noticably, part of the establishment's sign had come unhinged so that it read "Ope Inn" with "lika" hanging below at a crazy angle. Once a welcoming stop to highway travellers, the Opelika Inn was now most likely home to deadbeats and drug dealers. Not to mention a few roaches.

Her mind swirled with confusion and unease. It was all too much to take in. Who were these people? Could she really be somehow related to them? Who was it that was trying to prevent her from finding out? She struggled to remember... to fit some of the memories surfacing from her past with the new information she now had in her hands. Anna flipped open the thin folder on her lap and rifled through some of the papers inside. She let out an involuntary gasp as a handful of black and white photographs slid into her lap.

They were the crime scene photos.

The photo of the man who may or may not have been Clyde was ghastly. Made even more so by the stark contrast of the black and white. There was simply no face where a face should have been. She was only able to glance at it for a few seconds before looking away. It was another photo however, that made her stomach lurch. In it was the figure of a woman lying prone on the floor in a pool of blood. The sleeve & left shoulder of her dress had been yanked down.
Piercing the flesh above her heart was the lovely ruby pin. The very same image that had been pasted on her door above the bizarre tableau left on her porch.

Anna looked up just in time to see a flurry of activity from around the side of the Inn. Out came a couple of officers wheeling a gurney towards the ambulance. On it was a body bag.

Pardon the Interruption, Part 17 by Bard Sinister
Anna's words trailed off as her attention turned to the folder in her lap and the reports it contained. It was a remarkably thin file for a murder-suicide investigation. She quickly located the medical examiner's report Kaelin had mentioned.

"I understand why the coroner could not identify Clyde based on his dental records," mused Anna, "but why does the report make no mention of an attempt to identify him by his fingerprints? And what about the rifle? Didn't anyone dust it for fingerprints? Don't tell me no one bothered to match any prints on the gun to Clyde's?"

Kaelin shot an annoyed glance in Anna's direction, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. "Opelika's a small town. Law enforcement here does not see any of your big-city crimes. Except for Sara's sudden disappearance, there was nothing mysterious about this case. Clyde found out Rose was cheating on him, and killed her, then himself. End of story."

Although still skeptical, Anna saw no point in arguing with Kaelin. Either some careless person had botched this investigation miserably, or someone had deliberately falsified the records. But for what purpose? Could this have something to do with those stories about local government officials accepting bribes from Clyde? Had one of them killed Rose and Clyde, then arranged the evidence to point to a murder-suicide? Some one had left that message in blood on her door for a reason, and Anna intended to find out why, with Kaelin's help or not....

Lily angled the pin in her fingers to catch the light from the lamp above her, the better to admire the red stone's sparkle. She smiled in satisfaction and she turned the pin over and re-read the inscription. "Omnia vincit amor-love conquers all. What a load of crock!" Lily's eyes shot to the figure of her father, snoring on the couch, a mostly-empty bottle of cheap bourbon on the coffee table beside him. Involuntarily, her left hand reached up and gingerly touched her cheek. It still bore reddened traces her father's handprint. Luckily, the bourbon distracted him, or Lily might have suffered far worse.

Loreena, Opelika's librarian, had translated the Latin phrase for Lily. At first, Lily had believed that the key to the mystery lay in translating that phrase. Now, she was not so sure. More likely, the pin itself was the key, which is why Lily was so determined to possess it.

Lying to Anna had been regrettable, but remarkably easy. After hours of practice before her bedroom mirror, Lily could turn on the waterworks at will. Grown-ups were such chumps for that gimmick.

The crunch of tires on the gravel driveway snapped Lily out of her reverie. Quickly, she stashed the pin under the cushion of the chair beside her, and rose from her spot on the worn, living room rug. Smoothing her skirt, Lily walked quietly to the front door to greet the visitor, before her father wakened, and interfered with her plans yet again.

(to be continued)

Part 16 by Mystery Guest Blogger
As Anna sat in the passenger seat in route to the Inn she pondered the irony of the fact that she had spent more time riding around in a police cruiser than she had spent in her own new home. Deputy Kato drove in silence, occasionally massaging his chin while her own head throbbed, making it difficult to have a coherent thought.

Her main concern was Lily. The pin had disappeared with the child as well, but at this point the pin was of no importance. Only the safety of the girl. In fact, as far as Anna was concerned, she hoped she never saw that cursed pin again.

The box on the dashboard came alive and roused her from her thoughts. "This is unit 54 in route to 411 Mockingbird Lane. Officer Buzz is on scene and reports that the subject child is present and unharmed. First accounts from the subject and subject's father state that the subject had been home or with subject's father all day. Subject did leave with subject's father around oh eight hundred hours to go fishin at the..."

"Oh for cying out loud, would you quit playin Dragnet and spit it out? Wait! No! Zip it! We know they're lying. Get your skinny ass over there and use whatever skills you learned during your one week stint at the FBI Academy and get the truth out of 'em. Don't call me! I'll call you!"

Deputy Kato turned the radio off and glanced over at his passenger. Wonderful! She was crying. "Ain't nothin worse than havin to deal with an emotional female!" he thought.

"I just don't understand!" she blubbered. "Is this whole town mad or am I?"

He decided to nip this in the bud before it turned into an Oprah episode. "Anna, listen to me. We will get to the bottom of this. Trust me. I will leave no stone unturned. Speaking of which..." He knew this would get her attention.

She stopped sobbing and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yeeesssss?" she asked.

"Well, I tried to tell you this morning before you threw me out of your house. I found something of interest last night. Here." He flopped a faded, coffee stained folder on her lap.

"What's this?"

"Rose and Clyde's case file. I went thru the archived files last night and hit the jackpot right off. I haven't had time to look thru it all, but I did find something of interest."

"Really. What?"

"Well, I reviewed the Medical Examiner's report. The cause of death listed for Rose was a single gunshot wound to the head. They were both shot at close range, Rose from behind. Clyde apparently ate the end of a barrel. To be blunt, his face was blown off, completely unrecognizable. According to the report, the only way his father could I.D. the body was by his personal effects...the family ring he wore and the wallet removed from his clothing."

Anna looked puzzled, "But how could they know......."

To be continued

P.T.I., Part 15 by Ginny
Deputy Kaelin drew his side arm and strode toward the front door, checking with a quick dart of his head through the window for any sign of movement. He pounded on the door in the approved police manner. His heart also pounded, either with excitement, or from running up the long drive - he wasn't sure which.

"Anna! Anna! Are you in there? Are you okay? We got a call about a disturbance. Anna!"

He motioned for his backup to go around to the back. Boy, that training up at State had really paid off; the other officers knew just where to be, just how to move, just how to wait for his signal. His little department was all coming together in a rush, but first he had to look after Anna and make sure she was all right. He made as if to pound on the door again, but his wrist was grabbed and held by a large, furry white paw.

"Are you trying to wake the Dead?" said the Easter Bunny.

Kaelin stared in slack-jawed disbelief. The rabbit held up a basket full of jelly beans as proof, then knocked softly on the door.

"You have to call them softly, like this: 'Ooooo. Oooo-wooo. Ooooo,' and then they'll come back."

Kaelin thought it was the saddest sound he'd ever heard, but was outraged that he was being upstaged by a big white rabbit. Just then, the door opened with a bang, and Anna stood on the threshold wearing a blue dress with a white apron. Kaelin had to admit she looked kind of hot. In token of this he eased his equipment belt, the heavy leather creaking in a satisfyingly masculine way, and said nothing other than "Evening, ma'am." It seemed like the right thing to say, the right thing to do.

With barely a glance in his direction, Anna reached into the Easter basket and picked out all the red jelly beans, and began eating them with evident glee. She looked sidelong at him and walked back into the house, only now it wasn't her house, it was his living room.

He reached out for her and said, "Oh, c'mere, you. Gimme all the green ones."

*BANG!* *ring* *ring* *ring* *crash*

Deputy Kaelin found himself staring up at several wads of ancient chewing gum stuck to the underside of his coffee table. The phone was on the floor, a tiny voice issuing inquiringly from the handset, and his head hurt. He deduced that he had fallen off the couch again and sat up slowly, rubbing his neck. After a moment's thought, he remembered that he didn't like green jelly beans at all, and picked up the phone. It was Lewis, the duty guy back at the cop shop.

"Um, took you a while to answer. Y'all want me to phone back later, or maybe not at all?" Lewis was one of those guys that wanted to know about everybody else's doings, but he never dished the dirt in return.

"No, dammit. I was taking a nap. What?" Kaelin's tone indicated the truth about his well-oiled machine of a department; most of the guys were volunteers with no training and less sense. Yes, that had been part of the dream, too.

"Waaa-al, you might want to take a run out to check on that little lady Anna again. That little fussbudget Miss Lily was seen poking around in the bushes outside before she went in, and then later she came out of the house with some guy, and then they left in a big hurry. The neighbor lady - Mrs. Peabody, the one that runs the church socials? She seen everything.

"Anna? Anna left with some guy?" The last tattered shreds of his dream evaporated.

"No, Lily. The little girl. She left hollering and wiggling fit to bust and crying. And there's this other call about a fight at the Opelika Inn, but I thought you might could go check on things at Miss Anna's house, and I'll send Otis over to the Inn. Probably someone rolled a drunk businessman. Not important."

Deputy Kaelin struggled to get his equipment belt on while he juggled the phone and grabbed for his keys. "Never should have taken a nap," he thought numbly. "Now I'm all screwed up for the rest of the day." The leather belt was tighter than he would have liked, but he got it buckled in the end.

He tore over in his patrol car to the old house Anna had taken and took the steps two at a time. His heart pounding, he noted glumly that the girl's backpack was wedged in the door, as if it had been torn from her shoulders as she left. It was a blatant clue - "signs of a struggle," the next morning's paper would read. He knocked on the door and callled out.

"Anna! Are you okay? We got a call.." His throat closed up, dry as a bone, and the skin on his arms and neck was stung with tiny pinpricks of fear. "So this is deja vu," he thought.

The door opened with a crash, and he stepped into the most beautiful right hook of his life. It took him totally flatfooted - the irony was not lost on him - and dropped him like a sack of potatoes on the front porch. Anna stood over him, glowering and rubbing her sore knuckles.

"Depitty DAWG! You! Are! Going! To! Tell! Me! justwhythehellyouknowsogoddamnmuch about jewelry somebody bought years ago, and why you know all the details about an old murder case that should have been solved and forgotten back when Ike was running for President. And why everybody else but me in this goddamn one-eyed burg knows so damn much about..."

She collapsed, sliding slowly down the doorjamb to the ground.

"Me. He... they... someone took..." but the rest of her sentence was drowned out by the shrill squawk of Kaelin's walkie talkie, suddenly filled with chatter from every yahoo in town that had a CB, horning in on the emergency channel.

It was something about the Opelika Inn...something bad.


(to be continued)

Administrative Note:
To the many who've asked after us, and to the one or two who have asked how Rance is, thank you for your concern.

Rance reports: "a horribly busy first semester. Would blog more if not for blasted AP Chemistry. Trying to get my parents to let me drop and take Advanced Bio (a gut) instead."

The Administrative Staff is similarly busy, but with great peace of mind with the blog in the talented hands {wings?} of Associate Rance Rubber Duckie. The PTI essays are terrific. Please keep it up.

As to questions re: changes to the commenting feature, we have no idea but would imagine Tripod is doing this to better the product. They would no doubt value any feedback.

Cheers,

A.S.

Part 14 by J. Karma
The Opelika Inn, one of the oldest and proudest hotels in town, boasted "affordable, clean rooms with courteous staff". Loosely translated that meant if you were a tight wad, twenty bucks could get you a room that was not currently being used as refuse containment and your 'clean' towels would make it near your room by the 'courteous' staff who was limited, by management, to communicating with you solely in 'sign language'.

As the cart squeaked down the hall, Mark, one of the Inn's more prominent employees, tossed towels with one hand while taking drags of his Camel unfiltered with the other. The squeak, thud, thud, was muffled by the blaring music from his head phones. As he reached room 212, he stopped, turned off the music, extinguished his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and tried his best to improve the appearance of the wrinkled and stained towel in his hand. Ignoring the "Do Not Disturb" sign, he knocked lightly. Raymond had told him the guest was a big tipper, which was a rarity in Opelika and even rarer still at the Inn. Mark figured the guy to be a dealer, which meant that if he got in good with him, money wouldn't be his only reward.

"Room service," Mark said with a phony smile. No one responded. He pressed his ear against the door, thinking maybe the guy was getting busy with one of the local 'ladies'. A strange humming noise sounded from inside, causing the hair to stand up on his neck and arms. "I, uh, I'll just leave your towels here. If you need anything ask for Mark...sir." He took a couple steps, paused, then leaned back toward the door. "Oh, and have a nice day." As he took a few steps forward he thought he heard laughter. A strange high shrieking laughter that simultaneously was so soft he almost thought he was imagining it, at least hoped.

"Mark!" The raspy voice sounded right behind him, but when he turned no one was there.

"Forget this, it's not worth it." Mark flipped off room 212 while muttering obscenities under his breath. He pushed the cart into a corner, lit up another cigarette and turned the music up. He took two steps and fell towards the wall, his head swimming. He had to get out into the parking lot for some air. He took one step, felt a stabbing pain in his head.

"Aaaaaaahhhh!" Mark reached out, groping, suddenly blinded. He took two more steps then collapsed to the floor, blood spilling out from his headphones into a pool on the floor.

Back at home, Anna was trying to calm an excited Lily who looked on the verge of passing out.

"...and now that I know I have other family who isn't...well, who is normal and nice and..." Lily's eyes got larger with every word. Anna led her to the couch and sat next to her, hugging her tight.

"Shhh, listen to me," tears threatened to spill from her eyes, "I am so very glad to have found you or you found me, I guess, but..." Lily stiffened up and turned toward Anna, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I screwed up, huh?" Lily hung her head in shame. "You don't want me around because I broke in and tried to take..." her words broke off as she cried into her hands.

"No," Anna told her gently, "that's not what I was getting to sweetie, not at all. You are welcome here anytime you want, okay?" Lily hugged her tight and smiled, wiping the tears away with her sleeve. Anna got on the floor in front of her and took her hands in hers. "Listen, we will work all this other stuff out later, but first, I need to know something...and, I want you to be completely honest with me, because I promise I won't be mad at you." Lilly nodded solemnly.

"Anything for family." Anna took a deep breath.

"I'm not accusing you, I'm just wondering because maybe you didn't really know what it was or maybe someone made you, but I won't be mad, I just want to know the truth. Did you leave bones and a gross picture and write 'memento mori' on the door earlier?" Lily froze. Anna stroked her hair softly. "Listen, you aren't going to get in trouble with anyone, I won't let it happen, but you have to come clean with me." Lily turned white as a sheet and started trembling.

"It's...it's...it's..." Lily stammered. Anna's blood turned cold. She slowly reached over and grabbed her purse off the end table, while holding one hand firmly on Lily.

"Lily, come on. We're going to get out of here...now" Lilly stared blankly, not responding. Anna led her to the kitchen table while she quickly scanned the room. "Where are my keys? Lily, do you remember seeing the car keys?" Lilly sat in shock. "Alright sweetie, stay right here, I'm going to run upstairs and check. Don't move."

Anna waited till she was out of Lily's sight then sprinted up the stairs. She found her keys lying on her nightstand in her room. She was sure they had been with her purse. She heard a loud shriek from downstairs.

"I'm coming Lilly!" Anna ran full speed towards the stairs, painfully aware of each staggered breath. Suddenly the house was plunged in darkness, her foot connected with the first step and she felt herself thrown forward. She heard Lilly pleading with someone as her face connected with the wall. Heard a car speeding off as she continued to fall, bouncing off each step and landing in a twisted heap at the base of the stairs. She noticed Lily's torn backpack wedged in the front door as she gave in to unconciousness.


To be continued....

Pardon the Interruption, Part XIII by flyrchld
"He won't understand! He wouldn't believe me. Nobody
does!", cried Lily, "They all think I'm just a dumb, little
kid."

"Explain it to me then." said Anna,and gave the little girl
her brightest, most encouraging smile.

Lily didn't know what to think, but she knew she was trapped, she'd
never get the pin now that the lady had it, and knew she wanted it.
She seemed nice enough, though, with her goofy smile, and not too many grown-ups had been
nice to Lily in her short life.
Lily decided to tell Ms. Montoya about what she'd found.
"They say that Rose had forgotten her beloved John, but that
ain't so. She had kept hoping that he would somehow rescue her.
Kinda like those knights in shining armor they're always telling us
about in those silly fairy tales.
Well, he did, sort of."

Lily sat down on the floor and started rummaging through her
backpack. As she did this, she looked up at Anna and
said,"Ma'am? You got anything to eat? I'm starvin'."

"Well, I haven't done much shopping yet, but I think I can find
something. I'm pretty hungry myself. Bring your things and follow me
to the kitchen."

Once they were seated at the kitchen table with their peanut butter
and apple jelly sandwiches and two big glasses of chocolate milk,
Lily brought out several neat little stacks of what appeared to be
letters. She laid them on the table in front of Anna, taking care,
lest they get dirty.

"My mom said her father, who, as far as I can figure, is Rose's
son, gave them to her when she married, so that she would know the
truth, and maybe someday, the murder could be solved. My mom didn't
pay him no mind, but kept them anyway, because they were so
romantic."

Lily swallowed the last bite of her sandwich and took a large gulp
of chocolate milk, then settled in to tell her story.

"John came looking for Rose immediately, you see. Rose's daddy had threatened to kill him, but he couldn't stay away, he loved her too much.

Rose had always talked about her little brother, Nathan, and so John
sought him out to send notes to Rose. Nathan and Rose were closer
than two peas in a pod, Nathan loved his sister dearly and knew how
much she loved John.

He happily agreed to help them out. At first, it was just letters,
but within days, he was helpin' em to secretly ro-, rand-,
ronday-voos... They were meeting up.

Clyde never knew what was going on right under his nose, he wasn't
too bright, I guess.
I always feel sorry for Clyde, he loved Rose with all his heart, it
wasn't his fault that she loved someone else, and their parents had
married them. He thought that Rose had been given to him because
she'd been spoilt, that the boy she'd tried to run after had
abandoned her.

His father had agreed to the marriage, to cover her family's
embarrassment, in return for financial backing of his suffering
business. Rose had always been the prettiest girl in the whole
county, and Clyde was proud to have her.
He gave her the pendant on their wedding night because her father told him it was
special to her and would remind her how lucky she was to have such an
understanding husband in Clyde.
Soon after their wedding she found out that she was with child. Clyde
was the happiest man alive. Rose's father was secretly concerned
that this child had been conceived before her wedding night and had
suggested to Clyde that she return to the family estate for the last
few months of her pregnancy. Clyde agreed that being with her mother
was best for Rose in her delicate condition, and prepared their home
for his child. He spared no expense, lavishly decorating his
firstborn's rooms.
The moment the child was born, however, Rose's father took the boy
and gave it to the housekeeper's daughter to raise as her own, and
told Rose and Clyde that the child had died shortly after birth.
Clyde was heartbroken, as were Rose, and John.
Anyways, Rose and John continued to see each other and several years
passed. When Rose became pregnant again, Clyde took care that she
receive the best medical attention and their beautiful daughter,
Sara, was born.

It's all here in these letters that grandpa gave momma. Nathan knew
the truth, him being the eldest son and heir to his father's fortune.
His father had entrusted him with the knowledge of Rose's son so
that the child would be well provided for. When their father passed
in 1942, Nathan told Rose about the child. Her son had been named
Anthony and when he was 15, Nathan arranged for him to begin visiting
with her. And I believe that is how my grandpa got the letters."

Lily smiled at Anna and asked to be excused to the bathroom. Anna
cleaned up quickly, wondering at the amazing 8 and a half year old
sleuth, and began looking through the letters.
When Lily returned to the kitchen, she was holding a picture frame in
her hands. "Ms. Montoya? Who are these people in this
picture?"
Anna took the offered frame and replied,"That's my father,
Inigo, and my mother, Daisy."

"No," said the little girl, wide-eyed and smiling
sheepishly at Anna,"her name isn't Daisy.
That lady is Miss Sara."

(to be continued)

Part 12 by Ken
Anna had always loved a story and one that contained mystery and romance
piqued her curiosity. As Lily was telling the story, Anna couldn't help
but think that the pendant was key to solving the mystery of how Clyde
and Rose met their demise. Had Clyde's father's thugs killed Rose's lover?

"Lily, do you know what Memento Mori means?"

"Yes, it means reminder of death. In the olden days, they use to
photograph the dead as a memento for the living"

"Oh my! That is spooky. Do you have any idea where the pendant is now?"

"No." Lily said trying to avoid eye contact.

Anna wasn't so sure about Lily's answer. After a few moments of studying
Lily's face, Anna decide to press further.

"So, why were you here trying to take the pin? It would appear to be the
missing piece of the puzzle and you took a great risk sneaking into my
house. Perhaps I should go downstairs and ask Deputy Dippity Doo to come
up and ask you a few questions."

"Oh no no, please don't!!"

Lily's reaction to the threat was what Anna was looking for.

"Ok, I promise I won't tell him anything but I have to get rid of him,
wait right here."

Anna went downstairs to discover Kato fast asleep on the lounge in the
sitting room. After rousing him she made an excuse that she was tired
and wanted to get some sleep. Kato tried putting on the charm to no
avail and found himself sulking on the drive back.

When Anna returned to her bedroom, she found Lily sitting silently in
the chair with her feet swinging back and forth.

"Are you going to tell me the truth about the pendant?" asked Anna while
she closed the door behind her.

"Alright, but if we solve this mystery, I get the credit. The story goes
something like this. After Rose and Clyde were found dead, the Sheriff
had the house sealed off and only family members and the police were
allowed in. The police took a few items for evidence and the rest was
auctioned off to the public. According to the records kept at the
Opelika Public Library and Archive, Clydes father took all of Rose's
jewelry saying that it was a keepsake of her memory. Most of the
townspeople at that time were afraid of Clyde's family as they were the
owners of the Textile Factory that employed most of the town. The
factory was in financial trouble until Clyde and Rose were married.
Opelika went through a boom in the early forties because of the war in
Europe and the factory was taking plenty of orders to provide materials
for the war effort. There were rumours that the Sheriff's department was
taking bribes in order to protect the business interests of the factory
and the whole story was swept under the rug. None of the townspeople
wanted to stir up any trouble for fear that they become the next
victims. Clyde's father was well know for his brutal temper."

"You are pretty clever for a ten year old."

"I'm eight and half."

"I stand corrected. Tell me why are you are trying to avoid Deputy
Dumbass er Kaelin?"...

Pardon the Interruption Part 11 by Rancette

The brunette casting director, early 30s, in a Christian Dior suit, handed the producer a list.

DEPUTY KATO KAELIN ... Kato Kaelin
ANNA MONTOYA ... Anna Paquin
SAM ... Matthew Settle
STAN ... Marton Csokas
ROSE HAYGOOD ... Connie Nielsen
CLYDE CANTER ... Paul Bettany
MR. BUD ... John C. Reilly
LILY ... Perla Haney-Jardine
SARA ...Drew Barrymore
JOGGER ... Kevin Spacey
BILL ... David Carradine

CASTING DIRECTOR: This is what I'm thinking.

PRODUCER (ticked off): First of all, I don't want Kato Kaelin playing himself. Get someone who isn't tacky. What about Brad Pitt? Brad's scruffy like Kato, but he's a star. And his agent emailed me saying that he has intense interest in the role.

CASTING DIRECTOR: If I may say so, Brad Pitt is one of the tackiest actors out there.

PRODUCER: I know, but Rance mentioned him once.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Rance mentioned Cary Grant once. Should Cary play Stan?

PRODUCER: You're fired. Insolence! Get outta my office!!

CASTING DIRECTOR: Wait, a brilliant idea just came to me! Chris Cooper as Stan! He has a Bob Ewell face!

PRODUCER: Move it now. I'll make sure you never work in this town again. Exit the building! SECURITY!!!!!

Two buff security guards take the casting director away.

CREDITS:
CASTING DIRECTOR ... Maggie Gyllenhaal
PRODUCER ... Harvey Weinstein
SECURITY GUARD #1 ... Vin Diesel
SECURITY GUARD #2 ... Jason Statham

Meanwhile back at Rancette's ranch, Rancette is speaking to her agent...

AGENT: I hate to break it to you. They don't like the changes you've made to "Pardon the Interruption".

RANCETTE: Well, when you have 30 different writers give or take... The writers are still getting their dough, even though I changed most of their details. It was for clarity's sake. I mean Kenmore refrigerators dropping from the sky? That's cool. But our director is not Ridley Scott, Michael Gondry, or even Robert Altman. They would be the only ones who could pull off something like that. Our director would screw things up. You know him.

AGENT: I know this was a hard task, but you're in a tough line of work. You aren't pulling this together like they thought you could, Rancette. You've been fired.

RANCETTE: Fired?! Well, it's not my fault if the original writers are whining to the producer about how they're not going to hand over the rights to their side of the story unless everything is kept the same. I had to change stuff around. Especially since two writers didn't agree to have their part brought to the screen. That's why I had to change everything. Now, everyone who agreed to the terms... wow, they are going to receive one big, fat check. I kept all of the characters, even if I changed who they were a little bit. I thought I had total creative control. They can't fire me. Can't I do a re-write? I mean I was the writer of the screenplay.

AGENT: Yes, the keyword is "was". Plus, there's the issue of Rance wanting to star in the film. The script first appeared on his blog, so he had his rights. He's going to play Kato.

RANCETTE: Wow. First Kato Kaelin was cut out of his first role in years. Now Brad Pitt is cut out of the role, because of Rance!

AGENT: Brad Pitt IS Rance.

RANCETTE: What!?!? What a stunning revelation! What about his Naomi Watts fascination?

AGENT: He couldn't very well say "Jennifer Aniston is hot" on his blog. That would have given it away. That's why he sneakily remarked he liked Naomi Watts, lying through his teeth.

RANCETTE: They should get Naomi to play Anna!

AGENT: No, Brad refuses to work with her. Anyway, there's no point in discussing this. You have been fired without any pay. There's no way you could re-write everything without starting from scratch. You changed everything. They don't like the fact that Rose's husband isn't Clyde. That he's her lover and that other guy is her husband. In the original story, Rose and Clyde died. That is the foundation of our story, here.

RANCETTE: Her husband's name is Bill. If you even read the script, you might have been able to stand up for my creative decisions a little better.

AGENT: They don't like the fact that Bill killed Anna. And then killed himself. That wasn't the murder/suicide they had in mind. And Clyde is Lily's great-great grandfather, not her grandfather.

RANCETTE: Well, it was necessary, because I wanted Clyde to meet Lily. But he had to kidnap her.

AGENT: There are other things. Sara was a baby in your script. In the original "Pardon the Interruption" she was grown up. Could Rose have even had a baby at her age? Like I said, they don't like the changes. Too bad.

RANCETTE: But Bill discovers Sara is not really his baby. It's Clyde's baby, but Bill doesn't know that. He becomes with Anna for cheating on him that he shoots her, then himself. Crime of passion.

AGENT: So why did Clyde kidnapped Lily if he was her grandfather?

RANCETTE: He was estranged from his daughter, so he never had seen Lily. Once Sara, the secret love child, discovers the truth about her mother, she wants nothing to do with Clyde. She blames her father for her mother Rose's death. Clyde, who is now so old that he's ready to die any second, wanted to meet Lily; it was his dying wish.

AGENT: That is just the lamest thing I've ever heard. How would a dying man be able to kidnap a kid? Especially a mischievous one like Lily. Why would any one shell out money to see your film?

RANCETTE: Well, why don't you write the script?

AGENT: Because they've already replaced you with Ken!

TO BE CONTINUED...

P.T.I. Part 10 by Snubby
"Because," Lily stammered, "because, well..."

The young girl reached to her left shoulder, and then her right, to remove her worn red backpack. She placed the sack upon the table and pulled open the drawstring to reveal an antique book; something that resembled a journal.

"Read this," she instructed Anna.

Anna accepted the faded leather-bound volume and gingerly opened the cover and fingered back the first few pages. She came to a soft scroll "It's about holding onto love; no matter what the circumstances. Love is hard to find, but when it's there, it will never leave you."

Over Anna's shoulder Lily stood, mouthing the words softly as she read along. She then interrupted Anna's curiosity by adding "And with all the weird things that have happened in my family, it helps to know that it was all because of love."

"This is the story my mother told me," she continued. "In the 1920's, my Great Great Grandmother, Rose, was visiting Paris with her family. She was only 16, but during one forbidden night upon the town, she met a strikingly handsome stranger in a jazz hall."

Anna continued to read the lovingly penned words as she faded into the hazy dance club she had dreamed of just last night.

-----

"Pouvons-nous danser?" the deep voice repeated with a hint of amusement. "Yes...Uh, I mean Oui," she glanced toward the floor, wishing she had quipped a more seductive response.

The eyes of her suitor twinkled magically as he gently placed her hand into his and guided her to the dancing frenzy.

"Je m'appelle Jean Luc," he laughed. "But, really, it's okay if you just want to call me John."

Her nervousness melted away with a warm giggle as she answered, "I am Rose."

"Ah, but no less," and he swirled her away onto the shiny marbled tiles of the dance floor.

No sooner than they joined hands and began to shimmy to the music, the heel on Rose's shoe broke and her knee buckled with a jolt.

John's strong hands held her tight as she looked up at him in an apologetic embarrassment.

"Perhaps, fate has more in store for us than just a dance." He whisked her off of the floor; draped his dark, tailored jacket across her shoulders; and they left for the fresh night air beyond the hall.

-----

"Into the wee hours of the morning, they walked and talked as if they had waited their entire lives for this chance meeting," Lily elaborated. "Over the next four months, they embarked on a magical, although dangerously forbidden, whirlwind romance along the banks of the River Seine. Soon, it was time for Rose to return to the states. John was to remain in Paris on business and she knew she would miss him dearly."

Anna flipped through a few more pages while Lily spoke behind her. Any eavesdropper would be amused at such romantic fantasy flowing from the mouth of an 8-year-old, but Anna knew that these passionate words before her were just the beginning of the mystery that was now hers to unravel.

Anna wanted to keep an eye out for Deputy Kaelin, but she was so mesmerized by this history, she couldn't bear to lift her eyes from the book. It was all so exciting, she just wasn't sure where to start. She thumbed through the pages, reading an assortment of lines here and there.

February 11, 1921... I received my first letter from John. His words are filled with such love, I know we will meet again!

August 29, 1921... Oh, how I miss holding him close!A The warmth and strength of his embrace. His words keep me strong, yet they make me long for him even more!

June 17, 1922... It feels like so long ago. And then I read his sweet words. And it feels like only yesterday that we held each other close.

March 16, 1923...A John says business is going well and he may return sooner than expected. I shall not slumber until I hear those magic words!

January 8, 1924... Oh, how I still await the touch of my John. I wish his business well, but I would rather love in poverty than wait for riches. John, come soon!

September 2, 1924... He is still waiting for some deals to come through, but he will return soon, and then nothing shall keep us apart.

July 29, 1925... John's letter says he is returning to Chalmette, Louisiana within a matter of months. Should I tell father about him?

April 22, 1926... John has returned to the states! As soon as he gets settled in, he will come to Alabama and we shall return to Louisiana to marry.

December, 13 1926... Father wants me to marry Clyde Canter. He thinks that this will further his holdings in the textile industry. I will hear nothing of the sort. John and I will be together shortly.

February 16, 1927... Leaving today to be with my beloved John down in Chalmette...

Anna looked up at Lily to question why such an important event was stopped so abruptly.

Lily continued as if on cue, "Rose didn't want to marry Clyde, so she ran to John. Although almost seven years had passed, their feelings for one another were just as strong in the swampy depths of the bayou as they had been under the moonlight on the River Seine.

John proposed to her almost immediately with a ravishing jewelry set that he had bought while they were in Paris together. He never had the chance to give Rose her gift then; so for seven years, John had kept the blue velvet case in his dark coat pocket. He knew they would be together.

He lovingly placed the pin upon Rose's breast and explained the inscription Omnia Vincit Amor meant they would never again be apart. He showed her the matching pendant, whose ruby shone like fire in the lamplight, and teased that it would be hers to wear upon her neck on their wedding night.

By morning light, the chance for love was again shattered by the cries of Rose's father. He and a pack of his drunken, heavily-armed partners grabbed Rose out of her bed and brought her back to the fields of Alabama.

Against her protest, the arrangements were made, and Rose was wed to Clyde Canter. Although a great union was created in the textile industry, Rose felt lost without hearing from John.

On her wedding night, Rose looked forlornly into her vanity mirror. Tears streamed gently and quietly from her reddened emerald green eyes as she slowly ran the brush through her soft, golden hair. Clyde came behind Rose and stroked her bare shoulders. Chills ran through her body as Clyde tried to calm her.

"Rose, please, give me a chance. Maybe one day you can love me as you have loved another. You will see that I understand."

Rose looked in the mirror towards his eyes reflecting down upon her. He reached his left hand into his pocket and returned it to her neck with a sterling silver necklace. He draped the chain around her neck and gently fastened it in the back as the ruby pendant fell towards her breast. Immediately, she gasped in recognition of this symbol of love from her John. She clutched the pendant with tears stinging in her eyes.

"You will see that I understand," Clyde repeated with a twisted smile upon his face.

Rose twisted the pendant to read the inscription "Memento Mori" and all the life drained from her body as she fell to a crumpled heap at the floor of her vanity.