Someone Was Asking for Something From Wheeler
Well, here is it. An essay from the "What would I do if I ran Fox Studios"...ENJOY!

Entered: Wednesday, 19 May 2004 - 11:00 EST
Name: Wheeler Jones
Comment: Wheeler's Essay

Ok. The first thing I would do is get rid of asymmetrical hemlines on the female interns. This
might sound a little dictatorial, and perhaps out of
the range of a network head, but trust me: hemlines
are the nexus of the emotional barometer of all
creative content. If you study television history,
there's a clear path that shows that once the hemlines are skewed, the programming is sure to follow.

I'm approaching this thrust to power by attacking the peripherals of course.

If you happened to study the Persian wars, you'd
recall that while the Persians had a mighty fleet,
they did not consider utilizing a surprise attack with surfboards and spears. How does this relate to being the head of Fox or handling the peripherals you might wonder? I'll tell you: Not at all. It just was a nice visual, and the kind of unique pitch idea for a mini-seriesthat comes when hemlines are dealt with.

The next move I'd make is obvious, and that's why it's unexpected. Everyone working at the network would have to wear clogs. Now don't dismiss this as a peripheral because it's not. In a 1997 study by a large shoe manufacturer (I can't name names here as this information was obtained through coercion and super-secret email interceptions at a large coffee-house wireless access point) (( I can't tell you which one because they STILL refuse to pay me for the last shameless plug I gave them during
my rendition of the National Anthem at a certain NBA
all-star game, sponsored by Gatorade)) yes the study.

Lost my sentence. The study showed clearly that work
footwear is the undercurrent of all power struggles in organization. The study also concluded something about a microcosm as well, but I lost the details of that part due to a double-espresso accident. I say "accident" anyway.

So clogs. Yes. First of all, you can't move fast in
clogs and this reduces the possibility of last minute sprints down a hallway to make a deadline or final edit. And as any psychologist knows, when you remove the tools of failure enabling, it forces the
individual to adapt. If you're running a professional network, and I'm not saying that's entirely possible, you need to take every advantage you can.

Further, these clogs MUST be Dutch.

Two reasons for this:
1- the Dutch economy is STILL in shambles from the
front-yard windmill scandal of 03.
2- We help them. They help us. It's well known that
the Dutch creative minds are perhaps the greatest
untapped resource out there. I point to their
groundbreaking underground hits like: "400 Ways to Say Mayonnaise" and "Remodel Your House with Antique
Garter Belts".

In conclusion, since I'm limited by word count, let
remind you of the immortal words of Pliny the Elder:
"Onward, Upward, and Wait, I need to Rest a Bit."
-Wheeler

I apologize for the formatting, but I can't seem to fix it. Perhaps the A.S. can help.

Sincerely,

RDD