Monday, 9 August 2004 - 5:19 PM CDT

Good one, well rebutted. Can I swipe the "go blog yourselves" line? It might come in handy someday. ;)

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 5:24 PM CDT

"We are currently in negotiations with the vampire to put something onto paper (or keyboard, to be literal) for us."

Ah yes, contract negotiations, likely about the dressing room conditions.

1) No garlic
2) No sharp pointy objects
3) Subdued lighting
4) Bodyguards to be armed with rubber bullets only
5) Refreshments must be provided, freshly squeezed, none of this bottled or bagged stuff.
6) It is explicitly stated that this will not develop into a full-time job, Vampire wants it clearly understood that he is, and will in the future, only moonlight as a writer.

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 6:10 PM CDT

Don't be bitter Rocky, perhaps you're just blogging to the wrong crowd.

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 6:24 PM CDT

Dear Rance and/or Administrative Staff:

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for providing a link to Gus Openshaw's Whale-Killing Journal. It's as witty and entertaining a blog as I've read (excluding yours, of course). As you evidently have been in contact with Mr. Openshaw, I am writing in hope that you might provide any insight into the following: My office posted a number of comments on his www.blubberybastard.tripod.com/blog site proposing potential business. All were ignored. Finally, Gus responded to us via e-mail, blasting me for trying to profit from his misery and calling one of my colleagues, a demur 22-year-old Smith College graduate, both a bastard and a scoundrel. He added that he was not interested in future correspondence unless it provided latitude and longitude coordinates for sightings of the whale he's hunting. Have we somehow missed the boat, so to speak, and this individual's quest is for real--or he believes it to be such? I'd appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

Best,

[withheld]

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 7:06 PM CDT

RD, again, loved your story. I want you to come by and pick me up in your rig. Let's drive around and shoot the shit all night. You're the man.

Rocky, I'm glad you took the criticism like a man. Try to remember the ladies are just people, even when (or should I say, especially when) they can't seem to remember that for themselves. Peace out.

-Cheryl

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 7:40 PM CDT

rocky, how can your words be understood at tens of decibels? i have an 18 yr. old co-worker who has turned me on to some of his "screamer" music. (yes, i'm older) i really enjoyed the music, was excellent, but it was disturbing that i couldn't understand what they were trying to say. isn't the point of music to relay a message, some meaning behind the tune, or am i just too 60's?

by the by, frankly, telling any potential audience to blog itself can't be good for business. since you mentioned the cars, you've got to be in it for the bucks. pity

nastrovia

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 9:01 PM CDT

Please tell us it is Lestat.
Only one that could touch the "voice of Rance."



Later

S

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 9:01 PM CDT

Dear rance,

I'm getting kind of sick of your guest-bloggists and your administrative staff notes. I'm telling you this, cause it's nice to hear straight from you. Check out my blog, because you'll see the lengths I went through to "hear" from you. I even made up a conversation or two between us, and even managed to keep your identity a secret!

Anyway, ciao for now, and PLEASE update us on your personal life or at least pick a permanent replacement.

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 9:55 PM CDT

Rocky, I am glad you have seen the light and decided to stick to music...there are some things that you should keep to yourself and that story is one of them...and I for one could care less about a Dodge Viper.

Rock on...

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 10:39 PM CDT

Dearest Rance, well actually the Admin Staff -

While in negotiations with the Vampire, please remember that he/she will most likely try to kill you. (At least that is how it plays out in all the movies and TV shows)

Remember to wear your crosses, and it would probably be smart to have a squirt gun full of holy water at the ready. I am sure the guys from VaticanChat can help you out there.

Other than that a Vampire might be a good choice for a moonlighter, as many claim to be quiet old, so they probably have a lot of stories. Just watch out for the stories that suck (get it, suck, a pun on vampires)

Anyway, Darlin Rance, summer vacation is almost over, and you really need to come back to us. Tell Mom and Dad that this is really a Senior Thesis you need to write to graduate, and maybe they will give you back your DSL connection. Don't tell them about all the offers you have gotten to see girls lifting up their shirts, that will probably ban your usage for all of Senior year.

Hugs and Kisses,

LM
(not a vampire, just seen a lot of shows about vampires)

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 10:40 PM CDT

Dearest Rance,

You are missed out here. Your voice is unique...well, the words you type having to suffice as the sound of your voice. Although if you are one of those on my short list of suspects, the actual sound of your voice can make a girl weak in the knees...

It is my hope that a bit of time off up your vinegar levels sufficiently to return to us.

I would think that the next few months would at least raise your pissed off levels.............. regardless of which way you swing, elections tend to do that to a person.

Monday, 9 August 2004 - 11:29 PM CDT

Now I just feel bad for Rocky. People in the entertainment industry are wonderful masochists. They live for pain, it drives them to get up in the morning. Here is a typical actor at an audition being questioned by a BigWig.

"Hello, Nobody Actor."
"Um, hello, I really love your wor-"
"That's great, listen, what we're looking for for this role is someone who can really relate to what's happening to the character."
"You mean, someone who can relate to having their entire family eaten by a whale, and then insanely obsess over it while working at a cat food plant?"
"Sure, so what I'm trying to tell you is,...we're going to feed your family to a whale so that you can really feel the pain and anguish of this character. Then, we're going to put you to work in a cat food plant without pay for three weeks. Think you can do that?"
"Yeah sure, I mean at my last audition they had me be beaten by Gary Oldman and have my fingers bitten off by a rabies infected rabid ferret, so this is much easier."
"So, you don't mind the dead family part?"
" No, not at all. I didn't like my parents that much anyway, they never sent me to volleyball cam-"
"Okay, well if you can show us the real sorrow and emotion we're looking for after this whole process is over, we'll think about giving you the part. But I have to tell you, there's a kid that came in yesterday whose house burned down with all his Beatles records inside, oh, and his brother was eaten by a largemouth bass. We're seriously considering him."
"I promise that I can do this. Thank you so much for this oppur-"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Get out, your hand's bleeding all over my persian carpet."
********************************************************
For actors and Rockstars it seems that the more pain inflicted by people, the more they feel appreciated. Gain twenty pounds for a role? No problem. Lose fifty so that they weigh 90 pounds? No problem, that's what speed is for!! Try heroin? Sure, that's fun! Anything for a part, anything for love! Unfortunately, all the love and appreciation that the audience gives, can never fill up the endless void that resides in their own hearts.

The End. (Every story has to end with a cheesy message otherwise it doesn't fit The Player profile, or Doctor Phil's)

And that is why Gus won't answer the "business men."

********************************************************
To that girl who got shafted by someone not as cool as R. Roundtree: Didn't you learn anything from "Kindergarten Cop"? Never talk to strangers. And, don't ever, ever get drunk and start giving away free movie ideas. It's like that german guy in Kelly's Heroes that tells Eastwood where the gold is. You gave the gold away.

Sorry, this is the best I could do under this sudden pressure from the Admin. Staff. Not as fun as DuckIE..Calling RDD on the CB and getting only static...

done and done,
Bubba

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 12:22 AM CDT

Everything sounds better when combined with the high-pitched scream of a guitar.

And don't try and impress us with your "vehicles" because if you're truly worth something you wouldn't need to try and measure your success with wealth.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 1:30 AM CDT

Over the weekend I decided to bulk up my slender frame after getting tossed around a lot for posting Rocky's "other" journal. I thought that what I was adding to my banana puree was protein, but it ended up being the band's entire stash of acid. Needless to say, they were pretty mad at me, and I was pretty monkeyed up for about three days. This is what happened after I deciding that I should just go with the flow instead of trying to fight it.

1. When the fellas found out what I had done, they threw me on stage and I played "Great Balls of Fire" on the piano. I received a standing ovation, I've never felt so good. Then, I realized that it never happened, and that I had been banging on a urinal in a rest stop bathroom. I would have cried myself to sleep but the lyrics to "All by Myself" kept running over and over again like an evil hampster in my head keeping me awake for two days.

2. Since I was awake Rusty the drummer decided to use me to play a trick on Avril Lavigne who he found out was staying in the same hotel. He dressed me up like a member of KISS and made me knock on her door. When she answered I held up a bag of condoms and wore my biggest- smile. She didn't think it was very funny, but the guys did so I felt like one of the gang again- but I was wrong.

3. Woke up soaked in my own drool only to find that they had taken my Johnny Cash CD and replaced it with the soundtrack to "Glitter", and then had duct taped headphones to my head forcing me to listen to it for the rest of the day. As the crazy murderous thoughts began to swirl the band decided to drive me to an Army recruiter's building. The colors of the flags reminded me of rainbows which in turn reminded me of Mariah and I flew into a rage. The recruiter said that the Army needed more guys like me. I pooped on his desk.

4. The final straw was when they locked me in the hotel room while they went out looking for a "baggie" replacement. I was left tied to a chair and made to watch a "Punk'd" marathon. I've never wanted to kill myself more. But, I decided to exact some much needed revenge. I slept with Rocky's girlfriend. At least that's what I thought, but it turns out I only humped her leg. I think she loves me.

Still seeing purple unicorns,

Bingo

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 2:08 AM CDT

I don't know how else to put it, but here it goes:

I don't want:

- Vampires (sorry no offense, don't bite me please, or if you must do it gently)
- Ninjas (sorry no offense, don't kick me please, or if you must do it gently)
- Deep Cover Agents (sorry no offense, but we have enough to go around between Pepito and Charlie's Angels)
- Rocky (sorry no offense, and I do would love to hear part II of your story)
- Rubber Duckie (sorry no offense, OK, if you want to write main entries til Rance comes back please do so but the problem is that you are gone as well!)
- Ken (sorry no offense, you have a wonderful blog but you are not Rance)
- Bubba (sorry no offense, you are funny and witty and keep it coming except for the comment about Shorty/BGC which you have no knowledge of except through the grape vine and/or one individual or individuals, all which are not Shorty/BGC)
- Lora, the Nun (sorry no offense, fire your campaign manager, both you and her sucked since she didn't get you elected)

or any one else for the matter. I am asking for Rance to come back!!!!

I've never wrote such a statement before but I guess I snapped. I miss Rance and I wish he would come back and continue writing with his hands tied.

PS: Rance, please send us at least a postcard from wherever you went fishing to.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 4:10 AM CDT

Agent 98, call me St. Nick, but for some reason I feel like giving a little sumptin sumptin today...I will not let you be the only one "missing the boat" as you put it, thus I will make the following admission...

For the longest time, I'd say at the very least the first two seasons, I thought the X-files was real...very real...like War of the Worlds over the radio, world scare real...

Imagine my embarassement...I feel for ya buddy...power in numbers...

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 7:29 AM CDT

Dearest Rocky,
Please ignore all the hateful comments regarding your non-existent talent as a writer and storyteller. I'm sure you're a superb guitar player. I'm afraid, however, that most of us fell asleep during "Almost Famous" and have clued in that guitar-rock died years ago. (not soon enough some would argue)
I discussed your plight with my attorney and he suggests investing in a wheel, rims, and custom auto accessories shop as hip-hop is still on the rise.
Enjoy your Bentley!
-Wheeler

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 7:37 AM CDT

Now I know why ?Rance? is seeking to discontinue his blog: http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4031

But at least he is on an active quest to find or make a suitable replacement: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/letters/12412

But could it be too late? http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tips/getAttraction.php3?tip_AttractionNo==3864

Rocky,

I solicited the services of a gryphon, a harpy, and Howard Dean to repeat your words "at a ton of decibels". Results inconclusive but perhaps I was using the wrong sort of smoke. Still, happy news, you must be rich: "a rich man's jokes are always funny". Suddenly I want to hear more of your blogging stories...

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 8:20 AM CDT

I don't want to be the next Rance, nor is this comment intended as an application. I just figured that since this blog has become a posting place of odd stories as of late that I would add my own.

Not being rich or talented in the way that actors/singers are I tried to get rich the only way white trash such as myself can. Sue. See, I'm a girl so when I took the "grow up to 3 inches in three months pills" (you know the ones) I figured they would definately fail leaving an golden opportunity for me to sue the company for false advertisement. However, they did not fail. I grew a 3 incher in 3 months. I contacted the company, hoping to at least profit from my predicament telling them that I was living proof their pills worked. Seems they didn't want that kind of publicity. I suppose I could always pose for "chicks with d**ks" but my shame won't let me. There is no moral. God is dead.

Note: I hope I haven't offended anyone. If I have, mea culpa, I am but a 21 yr old spankstain on the computer chair of life. Peace.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 9:11 AM CDT

and here I thought today's blog entry would be witty and entertaining. at least I provided some useful information in my journal....mocking the Sox (which comes so easily to this Yankee fan) and mocking the Chargers and Phillip Rivers for not being able to reach an agreement, which of course bodes well for those of us who have unrequited lust for Drew Brees. well, at least it's all taking my mind off of the maddening crush I have on Matt Damon....

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 9:31 AM CDT

Aging hair band guitarist Rocky retires from his brief stint as guest bloggist. He goes out in a flame of glory telling his audience to go "blog themselves".

"What is it with people these days?" Rocky says, "I had the winning formula for writing. I used my own experiences as a bad ass rocker in my story and it turns out I am the opening act for some trucker telling a story about some strung out chic trying to catch a sniper. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."

Alas poor Rocky we hardly knew ye.

*************************************************************

I look forward to hearing from Bubba! You go girl!!

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 9:36 AM CDT

I would make a good Rance because I would spend all of my time in front of the computer typing "My real name is [My real name]." and then erasing it really quickly. I feel like that's a very necessary component of anonymous blogging that a lot of people overlook. Also, I'm tortured and interesting.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 9:46 AM CDT

Addendum:

Article 6, replace "this will not develop into a full-time job" with "this will not be in any way, shape or form considered a day job".

Add article 7

"All employees, personnel and assistants of CONTRACTOR likely to come into contact with Vampire will submit blood type to said Vampire. Those born in 1945, 1947, 1961, 1982 and 1989 will be preferred. No rhesus positive need apply".

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 10:30 AM CDT

Rocky, it isn't that you're not cool enough.. Its just that your premise has bee thoroughly reviewed.

So you want to be a rock and roll star? Then listen now to what I say. Just get an electric guitar, then take some time and learn how to play. And with your hair swung right and your pants too tight, it's gonna be all right. Then it's time to go downtown..this is the point my son, Baby Rex, or BR to friends..is at by the way.. where the agent man won't let you down. Sell your soul to the company, who are waiting there to sell plastic ware. And in a week or two if you make the charts, the girls'll tear you apart... I think this is what BR is really in it for but thats just a guess.. The similarity between you and Rance is..The price you paid for your riches and fame, was it all a strange game? You're a little insane. The money, the fame, and the public acclaim.. Don't forget who you are. You're a rock and roll star.

You should probably work on your literary skills if you want to be a bigtime blogger with a huge following....

T Rex

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 11:02 AM CDT

From the sounds of it, Gus is right about you. But not necessarily right on the money. If you want to cut in a brother, say to the tune of ten percent, type me up a note and we'll get something done.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 12:26 PM CDT

Golly gosh gee willickers Wheeler, bite your tongue!!!
***Ken sticks fingers in his ears and sings la la la la***
My strat is not happy with you but it is OK if you sample some of my sounds and put it to a hip hop beat if the price is right. Ooooooooh I feel wicked rant coming on but not here...

Ken

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 1:31 PM CDT

Article 5) Is it a human or animal that is to be fresh squeezed? What blood type? Can the person or animal be fed garlic prior to being squeezed?

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 2:08 PM CDT

Lora

Thanks for the compliment and you are absolutely correct, I am not Rance. Hopefully Rance will catch a nice big Muskie to mount on his wall and eventually reappear.

Ken

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 2:54 PM CDT

Sorry, I don't really know anything about grapevines and all that except that I really enjoyed the California Grape's Christmas special. Remember that? Good times. I just read, I don't gossip. And if the reading material is wrong, take it up with the Admin. Staff. But, since you're a girl, it's understandable..I somehow always piss off other women.

Peace Out my Damie

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 2:58 PM CDT

Or, even better he won't catch a Muskie, and get very pissed off and reappear. I forgot to say thanks for the comp too Lora. And that I miss the soggy bastard's writing too. I am no replacement, nor do I want to be..

B

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 3:15 PM CDT

I don't recall ever having read about, or seen a scene in a film, of a vampire swooping into a barn in the dead of night to suck the blood of a goat. Maybe I'm just not up on the latest in vampire nutrition?

As for blood type, if our fanged friend appreciates a good vintage, as perhaps he does, he might delight in a nice 1989 O+ to first cleanse the mouth, followed by a well rounded 1961 AB+. To finish the meal, a small digestive in the form of a 1947 B+ Diabetic reserve?

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 3:27 PM CDT

Wow...ouch. Well, way to suck it up and take it like a man named Rocky. BTW - Rance, you seen this thing? http://privatedick.blogspot.com - i saw it in the comments from yesterday and its like my new favorite sliced bread. later-
pole

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 4:50 PM CDT

Dearest Waxwing -

Thank you for providing some answers, but there is no way George W. is Rance, cause all of Rance's blogs were in articulate sentences. But perhaps you are right about the replacements (which were very entertaining)

Admin Staff or US Secret Service (if waxwing is right), tell Rance to come back soon.

Hugs and Kisses
LM

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 6:13 PM CDT

Poor Bingo!

I don't know whether to send a tip to PETA, so they can picket Rocky's next gig, or send Rolling Stone a link so you can exploit the experience and enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. The latter might score you something slightly more satisfying than a leg hump. I intended to deploy a clever "spank the monkey" joke at this point, but I started thinking that the both the masochistic and onanistic interpretations might apppeal to a sophistocated monkey-of-the-world like yourself. (Anyone who appreciates the musical stylings of the man in black is aces in my book.)

Timothy Leary would be proud. If you ever ran afoul of the law, I am sure he would testify at your trial, like he did for the Chicago Seven (see link above). Except that Timothy Leary is dead. His ashes are in somewhere in outer space, in a cannister, mingled with Gene Roddenberry's.

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 6:47 PM CDT

Ken & Bubba,

thanks, too. I do enjoy your comments. I just really miss Rance and wish he would magically reappear to continue ranting with his hands tied.

Bubba: Yes, I'm a girl but first and foremost I'm a human being. But no need to think you pissed me off. My point is when you make a comment about the e-brawl, which is unfortunately a highly sensitive point to me (because BGC and Shorty are my friends) I wish you would cover all the bases. The title of the e-brawl was called "Sass v. The Ten-or-So Against Sass", which BGC/Shorty were big part of.

And I do all three, I read, I blog, and sometimes I gossip. The best way though to gossip is with people that don't know anything about the person you are gossipping (sp?) about.

Best wishes,
Lora :)

Tuesday, 10 August 2004 - 11:05 PM CDT

Fans

I was reading Sass's blog the other day, well, catching up is more like it, and she was discussing the whole 'fan' thing.
Fan is a shortened version of the word 'fanatic'. Ok, so you probably knew that.
And i know that some would argue that weird fan reactions are part and parcel of the celebrity phenomenon. Yeah, ok, so not a recent discovery, either. Fine.
I used to work with famous people. Music industry. I worked in conjunction with different labels, big and small, promoting the latest projects. That meant i went to a TON of listening parties, shows and concerts.
(God, woman, get to the point)
It has always been my personal 'thing', not to treat people any differently be they Joe Satriani, Stephen Tyler or Dollar Guy Sam, the homeless guy i used to make sandwiches for.
Problem is that a lot of people equate notoriety with 'special' in the grandest sort of sense, even famous and barely beginning to be famous people. Divas, yeah, even manly men can be divas.
I won't go into details, that isn't my point.
(so GET to it lady!)
*note, i am on my layover, getting ready for work and van time is less than 40 min away, i'm getting scatterbrained, sorry for this)
So some people totally get off to the whole crazy, running up to you, touchy-feely, OHMYGODYOUARETHECOOLESTMOSTWONDERFULPERSONINTHEWORLD!!!BETTERTHANJESUSEVEN!!! Yeah, i've seen it a hundred times. What's worse, some people demand it, there was this one artist whose manager told me to act more excited because i wasn't showing enough respect. (In this industry it is important to keep good relations, otherwise you don't get invited to the next show) I laughed, and then, when i met the artist, for the second time mind you,(i deserved an Oscar), fell to my knees in tears and told them,"OHMYGODYOUARE MYMOSTFAVORITESTSINGEREVER!" they lapped it right up.
yeah.
But there are those, on the other hand who just look uncomfortably embarassed by their popularity.
Boo hoo, you say, yeah, well, UpYours!! Jeesh!
Respect, now don't get this confused with Reverence, is what most of the celebrities I met, wanted. They want to be real people, not objects of worship. They want to connect with people as people, not demi-gods. You know, where they could look in someones eyes and see pupils,(as in black dot in the middle of your cornea), not some starry-eyed sycophant, who gushed and slathered on about how wonderful they are.
I always think, how would I feel if the roles were reversed? Yes, I like being told I'm special, who doesn't? But I think that it loses meaning once repeated, or heard too often. Tell them (no hysterical shrieking at the top of your lungs) why you admire them, i.e.,their latest movie, or humanitarian causes, but talk to them. Hell! Tell them you like their bottom, but realize the position you've put them in, I mean,COME ON!, whaddaya expect them to do? Ask you out on a date? Yeah, no. It would be really uncomfortable if someone did that to you. AND you would think they were psycho....right?
This is not to say that famous people don't occasionally lose sight of reality, too. When the put their beautiful faces on our movie screens, and televisions, and their voices on our radios, guess what? They evoke emotion from us. We connect them to the beautiful romance or action packed adventure that we escaped to on friday night.
Too, they must realize it is human nature to want to read about them. People are curious about the amazing, fairy tail lives these people must live. The whole entertainment industry is built to create a place for people to escape to in some way, shape, or form.
I think there is a way, ideally, to work this out.
Respect.
Respect that even though they are famous, (and you've even seen their bottoms) they ARE HUMAN.
Respect that even though this complete stranger would like your autograph, because you've inspired in them some strong emotion, they, too, ARE HUMAN.
(sigh)
Peace, love, out!
fly.
(could someone help me off this soap box now? Um, and turn off the background music, 'we are family')

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 12:37 AM CDT

I'm suggesting a Revolution. A blog-in.

A peaceful revolt. Sorry, but I'm jonesing for some Rance please...just a small tid bit. A paragraph...nothing more.
If the AS can get this message thru, well...that'd be great.
Hey rant about your readers holding the blog hostage. How dare we?
Well, any who dare,... let's boycott. We don't mind the great guest spots. NO, the Duck "IE" does the job well. Bubba and others...good jobs...but PLEASE GIVE US some Rance.
Pretty please.
Dear God, so far we've gone cold turkey.
Have a heart.

All those wanting to have a blog-in please come to my site and sign up. A petition?
Shall we all hold our votes, until we get us some Rance?
Why not?

I do believe Rance might do just about anything it takes to get Kerry in the white house.
So, for the good of the country, to save mankind.......
for the future of the free world ...it's in your agile bloggin' fingers Rance.

(It's also in the hands of the AS,... if they are kind enough to post this...)
Hell, we can resume the other shit and riddles soon enough.
We just need a hit, please.

OK, knowing above all else the Ranceman does not take kindly to being pushed around....my apologizes...but hey...it's either this or I might have to open the Rance Rehab at my place....


So, guys, it's up to you. You are the ones that are keeping this blog alive. You can protest if you want.

This IS still America.
Isn't it?

later

S


PS: Oh and bytw, if you are starting to answer this.....come to Sass and comment. Get it? If you answer here......that defeats the whole idea....Right?
I'm not sure about the rules of this. I've never organized "a protest to get an anonymous celebrity blogger to post a new entry in his blog because all his loyal readers WANT it so damn bad....."

But, what the hey.

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 6:48 AM CDT

I'm actually going to try and give it a little thought, and articulate things in a manner that might be productive for poor Rocky. I assume he was a touch confused by the response he got, especially after having so many groupies following him about. (Though the confusion may stem from typical rock-star drug use?)

Rocky, part of writing is "knowing your audience." Rance knows his audience quite well. Hence why he is pulling this current "New Coke" style stunt with all of us. It keeps everyone entertained. He likes to play mind games.

Somehow, despite what one would think, Rance has managed to attract a fairly intellectual crowd of "regulars" (which would not be expected from anything even remotely involving Hollywood.)

Also, I know what *my* audience is when I write in my lame third-rate blog: Nobody. I write accordingly (as if I were talkign to myself.)

Rocky was not writing to the correct audience. There are many who would apreciate his story. It has humorous elements in it, and to hear it told in person is probably much better than on a blog.

But for this crowd, that story is exactly the sort of thing that'd be expected of a "rock star." Bragging about crazy fans and how far they'd go to have sex with musicians. It's pretty generic.

If Rocky wanted to appeal to the Rance crowd, then a story about how a particular song came to be, or better yet, an angry rant about how image is too much in an industry all about sounds would all be up our alley. Perhaps a time the record company forced Rocky to change his "artistic vision" or insights into how much you have to "sell out" to "make it big."

These are the types of things the Rancers (to coin a term) enjoy.

Try again with such a story, and I'll bet a Dodge Hyundai Viper* that it'd be much better received.


*1:64 scale die cast, or drawing thereof.

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 7:53 AM CDT

I know I should respond to this but I do not know what to say. I also know I should not respond to this because I do know what to say. But as my post was meant to merely entertain and seems to have done so I am content.

Too much popcorn and not enough movie here, Rance et al. What shall we do?

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 11:47 AM CDT

Rance? Rance who? I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying Rubber Duckie, Bubba & Ken. Not that I wouldn't enjoy Rance too if he comes back. But I'm not going to hold my breath. I know some of you will feel that I am being disloyal and I'm sorry you'll feel that way, but I have to express my feelings. I just can't bottle up anymore or I'll explode.

Thank you for your time,
Kit

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 12:26 PM CDT

Just a thought, but has Rance disappeared to somewhere magical, say like Gotham City? Hmmmmm?????

Good lord, man! What could be keeping you SO busy that you don't have time to write? I'm not an avid "Rancer", but when I do check in from time to time and all I see is guest bloggers and other blah blah b.s., I start looking elsewhere for lunchtime entertainment. The masses are getting antsy, Rancey.

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 12:53 PM CDT

Sir Nard Manhawk,

Ditto. Except for the part about the bet at the end. The bet and the term "Rancers" as it makes me shudder and recoil. The "Lost Blog-eration", perhaps? We need a new name.

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 5:50 PM CDT

Hey Waxwing -

You got my message, I was totally entertained by your post, hope I wasn't too confusing.

I also concur with your comment about too much popcorn.

Huges and Kisses
LM

Wednesday, 11 August 2004 - 8:36 PM CDT

"...they had taken my Johnny Cash CD and replaced it with the soundtrack to "Glitter"."

I'm sorry, but that's just ghastly. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. Not Johnny!

I bet you would make a cute little Paul Stanley. You're a frisky critter, aren't ya? Always fun to see your posts, Bingo! You're a stand up chimp.

Friday, 13 August 2004 - 1:40 AM CDT

Chupacabra, man. Goatsuckers!!! Even vampires are having to move with the times here in the Twenty-First century. The ground was broken (so to speak) way back in Stoker's "Dracula", when the vampire crossed the ocean subsisting on rats before working his way up to the entire crew of the ship. Think of it as hors d'oevres.

Friday, 13 August 2004 - 1:59 AM CDT

Rach, sweetie, if litigiousness fails there's always blackmail. I thought the field was dead, what with Rance refusing my calls and nobody having a sense of shame anymore, but you've got a golden opportunity here.

Contact them again and offer to stop taking the pills if they give you [insert item or sum of your dreams here] by return post. If the pills work that well, they must be wealthy beyond the dreams of mortals.

Good luck and don't forget where you got the idea, k?

Friday, 13 August 2004 - 2:13 AM CDT

Viva la Revolucion! But your link doesn't work.