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Rance wuz here...
Thursday, 19 May 2005
Pirates of Pensacola, Chapters 18-22
1. What's the wackiest thing you've ever seen or done at a funeral?

2. Recite the verse following the one Isaac read from Jeremiah.

3. Any interesting experiences with a corpse?

4. Where did JOsiah conceal his weapon?

5. Make as many words out of Paixhan as you can.

6. Do you suppose the word "hood" was derived from "the Hoods"?

7. Anybody now regret a recent purchase and consumption of fish sticks?

8. Favorite line? Mine = "Cripes," Isaac said. "Which was the hard part? 'Get'? 'The'? Or, 'Bible'?"

9. Scrimshaws are now being accepted. Send them in.

10. Any questions for the author or comments?

Posted by captainhoof at 9:22 AM CDT
Post Comment | View Comments (26) | Permalink

Thursday, 19 May 2005 - 4:36 PM CDT

Name: Trillian
Home Page:

5-Here's a start of words from Paixhan-


Proper names count?

HAPI is the acronym for the Health And Psychosocial Instruments group
hai is used in almost every Hindi phrase I've learned, but I not entirely certain how to translate it. Am? Of? The? Somethin' like that.

Care to challenge the validity of my words? I am the champion of short, nearly pointless words when playing scrabble.

10- If a movie version of Pirates of Pensacola was being filmed, and you had by some miracle been given your choice for casting, who would you cast? I'm interested in any roles, minor and major, that a certain actor (living or dead) comes to mind for you.

Thursday, 19 May 2005 - 4:50 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess

I don't think any story I could ever tell would top that funeral. I love the image of the priest as counterweight. There are so many other priceless details, Ishmael the Discount Embalmer for example, or Issac straddling the coffin and paddling, even useless Burnie on the pier wishing he hadn't left his rum aboard.

13.O thou that dwellest upon many waters, abundant in treasures, thine end is come, the measure of thy covetousness.
14.The LORD of hosts hath sworn by Himself: Surely I will fill thee with men, as with the canker-worm, and they shall lift up a shout against thee.

I once saw a dead guy on the corner of 72nd and 3rd in NYC. He'd just had his head capped by some mobster he owed money to. Memorable, given that I was 10, interesting experience, eh?

Me tinks Josiah concealled his weapon in his ponytail.

Its too good a name to mess with.

I doubt it, but very possibly derived from piratic practises.

Haven't eaten those suckers since my school served them for lunch, I remember looking forward to them. I had a chronic belly ache growing up, maybe that explains it.

"Not a bad place. Some decent pubs."

Thursday, 19 May 2005 - 5:18 PM CDT

Name: Keith
Home Page:

10. Isaac: Richard Harris
Burnie: Ernest Borgnine
Both Lafitte Brothers: Peter Sellers

Thursday, 19 May 2005 - 7:10 PM CDT

Name: Gnomie

1. I have never seen anything wacky at a funeral- but I've only ever been to three. (My grandfather when I was 18, my Dad's cousin when I was 24 and my grandmother's sister while heavily pregnant with my twins - which was an interesting experience in itself.)

The most striking observation made at my grandfather's funeral was: instead of offering support to my grandmother over her loss, the majority of mourners cried on HER shoulder. I found that extremely perplexing that they could possibly consider their loss (brother, mate, whatever) to be deeper than that of his wife of 46 years.

3. I'm pleased to say that I've had no experiences with corpses, and nor do I intend to have any if I can help it!

4. Most likely where most men like to put things, down the front of his pants! (as in: is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me)

5. I'll get back to it later when I've had time to work on it!

6. Hood is derived from neighbourhood, I believe.

7. Never eaten them myself. Not a big seafood fan - I only eat Barramundi and only grilled, and only on rare occasions.

8. I love that line!

Gnomie :)

Thursday, 19 May 2005 - 7:17 PM CDT

Name: Trillian

Excellent casting.

Ok, RDD, here's the rest of my answers.

1. My Grandfather was a decorated WWII vet, and requested a military funeral. But he lived way out in the boonies, and apparently the honor guard was in short supply... anyhow, we ended up with these 5 ancient codgers who could barely stand, let alone hold a gun, for the services. Four of them fired their rifles in the air five time, then one did one more times (for the 21 gun salute) while the oldest hobbled up the hill to a gazebo. Apparently, they couldn't find a bugle player (bugler? buglist?) to play "Taps", so they compromised on a tape recording. But no one thought to check the batteries. So poor sweet old guy is up there on the hill with a portable tape player turned up to full volume, completely oblivious to the fact that the dying batteries are making the bugle sound like a herd of dying elephants.
For our non-American friends who may not know what "Taps" sounds like, go to scroll down to bugle calls. Traditionally played at military funerals. Now, imagine that haunting tune being slowed down, drawn out and distorted...
If you've ever heard a tape playing on dying batteries, you'll understand.
The first five minutes were absolute torture-everyone looking around, desperately sending telepathic messages that SOMEONE should run up the hill and stop the poor guy- but by the next ten it was just funny. Grandpa would've found it pretty funny, too.

2. "Jehovah of armies has sworn by his own soul, ‘I will fill you with men, like the locusts, and they will certainly sing forth over you a shout.’"

3. Erm, no. And I prefer to keep it that way, thanks.

4. In his ponytail

6. I always thought it was an abbreviation of "hoodlum", from a German word meaning "disorderly", but I like your theory better.

7. I have, thankfully, so far avoided consuming fried compacted bait.

8. "I guess they didn't get my fax."

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 11:44 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Your story was awesome.

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 11:46 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

I'll admit it. Fish sticks was one of my favorite items in the cafeteria.

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 11:48 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Yes, that was definitely an interesting experience.

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 12:07 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess

Did you get served those tater-tots too? Those were all time for me.

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 1:29 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Most definitely. It wasn't fishstick day without the tots...

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 1:47 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess

Do we know if any known pirates had the monopoly on those too? I'm thinking maybe they were putting some of that junk in them because I couldn't get enough of 'em.

Friday, 20 May 2005 - 2:38 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

That's definitely a plausible theory.

Saturday, 21 May 2005 - 8:58 AM CDT

Name: feenxc

welp, better late then never

1. been to a lot of funereals, you seem to collect them as you get older. but have to say that i've never done anything really wacky. did spend the entire time at my father's wake in total denial. i think the family was ready to commit me, i just kept saying things about him not being dead. they decided it was better to get me drunk and put me to bed. the interesting about grief, is that i proceeded to drink everyone under the table, without catching the slightest buzz myself. we're polish, which is right up there with being at an irish wake, we just eat better.

2. can't

3. none, but my boyfriend has requested that, if he outlives me, he be allowed an hour with my dead body. not even gonna ask him why. but some day you all can ask him. the weirdest thing is that i did relay his request to my daughter. never could say no to that man.

4. ponytail

5. naxhapi... not a word? no wonder i always lose at scrabble

6. that's an explanation i prefer!

7. i haven't made any recent purchases, but since we're all talking about school days, being catholic, my favorite was fridays, we had fish sticks and the best macaroni and cheese with stewed tomatoes. still one of my favorite comfort foods, without the fish sticks that is.

8. "sometimes"..."you gotta push 'em out of the nest"
someday, you'll understand

9. sent in my idea, can't wait to see the end result

10. keith, could you explain that photo of you on the book, please? not criticizing, you look good, but why does it look like you're wearing the oldest sweatshirt you own? and what's on the front of it? can just see the top of something and immediately thought of ttmnt. you married? got kids? kisshugs

and kisshugs to you all!

Sunday, 22 May 2005 - 12:57 PM CDT

Name: Chiraag

Would it be possible to add me to your list of links or your blogroll? If you want I could link back. Please post your reply on my comments. The url is

Sunday, 22 May 2005 - 2:51 PM CDT

Name: Curious Girl

Hi everyone,

Just posting to say that I have been reading each blog entry although I couldn't get it together in time to order the book. I must say I'm sorry I didn't get my hands on it, because it sounds mighty funny - sort of like Carl Hiassen crossed with Dave Barry or something.

I love, LOVE, everyone's scrimshaws. Glad you found a way to keep posting those RD!

Carry on & I will continue lurking.

Sunday, 22 May 2005 - 8:06 PM CDT

Name: Gnomie


Regarding the 'Fish stick' Friday thing, you will definitely feel sorry for my mother then - she too was raised in a strict Catholic household where it was fish on Friday ... only she's allergic to seafood so she got to eat eggs every single Friday of her childhood. (The fact that Mum's allergic is the reason why I'm not a big fan of fish... if you don't grow up eating something it takes a bit of getting used to - and I have a policy never to eat anything that comes served still attached to its head.)

And even though my children are only 10 & 2 respectively, I already understand the 'push them out of the nest' option! Mind you, in my family the kids (namely me) have shown a habit of returning to the fold on regular occasions. (My Dad told my husband at our wedding that I'm non-returnable 'cos he doesn't want me back!)

Gnomie :)

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 11:16 AM CDT

Name: Keith
Home Page:

Many people I know said that's the crappiest photo possible. I found out St. Martin's needed a photo (which the author is contractually obligated to provide) within just a day or so of the jacket going to press, and that was all that was on the computer that I could send that didn't have sunglasses or a abseball mitt or beer can, etc., in frame.

What's ttmnt?

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 2:54 PM CDT

Name: feenxc

keith, you wrote a book about pirates, you should have put one in with the beer can, and probably sunglasses, ya know, incognito.

"the teenage mutant ninja turtles"... answers the question about kids, since you don't know that. you didn't say what was on the sweatshirt! was it naughty?

kisshugs, matey!

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 2:57 PM CDT

Name: feenxc

your mom would never have survived our household, not only catholic, but fisherpeople too. grew up catching and eating our catch. you can always cut the head off, like they do to beef.


Monday, 23 May 2005 - 4:15 PM CDT

Name: labsnabys

Sorry I'm so out of the loop lately...I have been preoccupied and will continue to be for the next couple of weeks with my parents' 50th anniversary coming up. I just wanted to say that I always loved fish sticks! They were a big treat for us growing if my parents were going out and leaving us with a babysitter, we'd get fish sticks for dinner as our special compensation. I admit that I am tickled now to buy them for my kids and sneak one myself occasionally. There's a lot more "stick" and a lot less "fish" than I remember from my childhood.

Take care, all! I'll be reading even if I'm not writing.

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 6:04 PM CDT

Name: mandalion

I've been away from my computer and thought I'd pop in and try to see what happened in Smell of Fear. I've searched high and low and can't find the conclusion. Did it conclude??

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 7:51 PM CDT

Name: Gnomie

You have certainly been gone quite a while... but, once again, here's the explanation:

No, we haven't had the conclusion to TSOF because RDD has been busy trying to write it, run this web site and have a life.

At the moment we're focusing on book club - 'The Pirates of Pensacola'. After that we'll see how RDD went with the finale. Although, personally I hope that she'll have a publisher by then so that we can all go out and buy the book!

Gnomie :)

Monday, 23 May 2005 - 8:55 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Thanks for asking mandalion. Interesting name as well.

Tuesday, 24 May 2005 - 11:24 AM CDT

Name: mandalion

Cool. Thanks. Yeah...we went on vacation and then came back to piles of stuff both at home and work to sort through. I'm finally getting to the point where I can take my "coffee break". I read through the book club stuff. As a long time fan of Gus, I think I need to go pick up a copy.

Thursday, 26 May 2005 - 11:09 PM CDT

Name: DAVE


Friday, 10 June 2005 - 7:35 PM CDT

Name: Cyndi

8. Favorite line: "You can put a cat in the oven, but that don't make it a biscuit." (From White Men Can't Jump.)

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