Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 4:34 PM CDT

Daddy likes...

Mommy disapproves

Ahab is doing cartwheels

and Salty thinks its pretty damn funny.


An accolade and a half man. Hope you get the bastard.

~Salty

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 5:13 PM CDT

Hunter Thompson's too old for this. (God don't tell him I said that!) But my quess would be Mark Leyner or Rance himself.
And if not there's another insane and hilarious writer out there.
So. so funny.
I mean just the headline cracked me up.


Later

S

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 5:16 PM CDT

BUt is he REALLY a whale hunter, or is he just PRETENDING to be to get attention?
Or does it matter?

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 5:57 PM CDT

ok gus, i'm hooked, hope you get the bb before your crew gets you!

rance, quick, get out of there. hop in your pontiac and escape while you can. that kind of mentality is contagious, infectious, worse than an std. save yourself, there's no hope for perry. you must get free so you can write for us again.

kisshugs

nastrovia

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 6:39 PM CDT

Wow...crazy luck, but I can't wait to read more. Keep posting!!

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 7:23 PM CDT

Great blog, Gus. My life is suddenly sooooooooooo boring. Well, this week anyway.

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 7:27 PM CDT

Revenge is never pretty...

Doesn't it lead to more wives, kids, and arms being eaten by more sperm whales?????

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 8:47 PM CDT

Hey Blub,
Funny stories, keep them coming:) I admire your originality. Also, it's good to see people making good use of their time on home confinement;) What do you plan to do when you're released?

Tuesday, 15 June 2004 - 9:23 PM CDT

My God Rance what have you unleashed upon us!!! Too Fucking Funny.

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 1:37 AM CDT

Gus should join forces with Steve Zissou - Oceanographer and Documentary Filmmaker. I believe they share similar quests!

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 3:23 AM CDT

Are you really that bored with us? What have you done to the poor bastard, sending all of us over there, doesn't he have enough misery?

"I always feel a bit better when people are stupider or have worse luck than me."
-Gus

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 8:20 AM CDT

This is the stuff that legends are made of. Gus has not let the fact that his loss of an arm did not prevent him from rowing a boat, scaling the side of a 180 foot superyacht, battling with a crazed vietnamese cook and manage a blog.

Waxwing mentioned that a military experiment off the coast of Maine may have been responsible for the disappearance of his post and I am afraid that it may have affected Gus too. In Gus' post on Friday, 11 June 2004, he says that a few days later he discovers the 180 ft superyacht and then the very next day he says that he was dozing at the controls and sees what I can only assume to be the very same boat.

Another thing that is troubling me is that if Gus is heading south from Washington, how did he manage to get to the Caribbean from the west coast? In less than a day!?!?!?

I can't blame Gus for not noticing this since I am sure that his watch went with his left arm that is sitting in the great beast's stomach.

I am waiting with baited breath to see how this all turns out for our hero Gus.

I suppose I could have posted this to his blog to alert him to the potential dangers that he may experience, but it will be more interesting to see how it all turns out for him.

Good Luck Gus
You plucky bastard

Ken

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 1:37 PM CDT

I read it. I like the guy's voice. Seems familiar. I love the whole blog thing in general. It is so cool to be able to read good writing and then be able to respond to the author. I get so disappointed when I experience a wonderful piece of art and I can't poke around at the source of it. I know a lot of creators don't like to be poked at (myself included), but it is difficult to see feats of magic go on before your eyes and not wonder (and at times obsess) about what the hell, who the hell, and why the hell.

With that said, a couple of random things about art:

As an artist, (and I mean creator who tries to make a living from their creations) you often learn that you end up primarily working for (needing) the exact sort of people you've despised your whole life. What do you do? Be poor, or hate yourself?

Do you believe that "The Doors" would have achieved more or less success had they emerged instead as "The Drawers"?

Robyn ::scratching chin::

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 1:51 PM CDT

I find this blog hard to believe, but you are a great writer.

If you are telling the truth, sorry to hear about your wife and kid, and best of luck to you in finding your whale! By the way, how do know which whale it was? What if you find the whale you think was "the one", and you kill it and it turns out it was the wrong whale? That would suck.

On another note, where are you Rance? We miss you! Hope to hear from you soon.

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 5:50 PM CDT

Thank you, Mr. Rance.
And thanks from the eight little Openshaws.



Edna

PS: You wouldn't be Wayne Newton would you? I don't suppose so. Just dreamin'.

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 5:55 PM CDT

1: Which hurts the most? And is it possible to find a semi-happy medium?


2: Possibly. In any case that question tickled:) Thanks!!

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 6:24 PM CDT

Why do they call it a "sperm" whale anyway?

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 8:10 PM CDT

Personally....I just think Gus likes to hang out with seamen.

Wednesday, 16 June 2004 - 8:16 PM CDT

I think maybe waxwings military experiment mighta taken Gus' wife, kid and arm.. and in shock he THINKS he saw a whale... Maybe he needs ta visit the med cabinets of some of us...... My voices shut up when I take MY pills......

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 12:15 AM CDT

I thought this "blog" from Gus sounded familiar. He stole my story! Except it wasn't a sperm whale...it was a killer whale (who I named 'Bitey')...and it didn't eat my wife, kid or left arm...it ate my dog, my college thesis, my (beloved) bottle of Captain Morgans and my wooden right leg. Despite the changes, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I think The Doors would've been successful (even if they had decided to call themselves "The Drawers") no matter what. Especially if Jim would've still dubbed himself as 'The Lizard King.'

'The Lizard King'. Heh. Kinda sounds like it could be a sequel to 'The Lion King'. Yeah, I know. I'm a dumbass. No need to point it out. :)

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 1:36 AM CDT

When talking about a carnivorous whale tale, DO try to avoid use of the phrase "baited breath" for obvious reasons.

Evil

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 1:43 AM CDT

Pretty sure it's impossible that a sperm whale would eat anyone or any part of anyone. Don't they eat scuttle-fish that flow into their fibrous "teeth"?

But the humor, my god the humor

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 2:37 PM CDT

Hilarious blog you sent us to, in fact for laugh out loud quotient it is definitely in the top five, but I have to admit I would rather hear Rance's tales of the bizarre as well.

If you are at a shortage of tales, perhaps you have a hair dresser story. Lord knows, looking as some famous people's hair dos, y'all MUST deal some seriously strange hairdressers, either that or all the stylist have a huge hate on for starlets.

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 6:52 PM CDT

Actually, Robin, sperm whales have teeth, not baleen, so technically it's possible. There's a funny website recounting stories (which may be just that) of whale attacks (http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A471548)and not seeing an author's name, I can't attribute the following to anything other than the site and I hope this is not in violation of any copyright laws... I found this amusing, though:

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 7:34 PM CDT

This blog was hilarious to read through. Thanks for the heads up on this one Rance. Might I recommend a little more humor in your blog. Check this one out for laughs:

jazzyj49.tripod.com//blog

It will make you wet your pants!

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 8:04 PM CDT

Moby-Dick! Hasn't anyone read Moby-Dick???

Giant white sperm whale takes the leg of Captain Ahab, who is out for revenge (and who has a wife and kid at home).

And, on another interesting note, Rance's posts are in New Zealand time, and Queequeg, the famous

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 8:06 PM CDT

I'm going with the theory that the

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 8:32 PM CDT

Did Micky's Fryboy, Rance, start a new blog now pretending to be a sperm whale hunter?

I thought my imagination with Colin and Eric was vivid but I ain't got shit on Rance's brain.

Thursday, 17 June 2004 - 10:16 PM CDT

If you honestly (and seriously) want to know. It is because when they were first discovered, sailors saw that they excreted a sticky white substance from a gland on their head, which is actually an oil, that was originally thought to have something to do with the reproductive system (but doesn't).

So they are named after exactly what you think, sperm.

Nature class over....

Rance, where are you? Hope all is well.

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 2:01 AM CDT

I'M ENJOYING THE TALE OF A WHALE STORY......THANKS!




MUCH LOVE,
BGC

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 3:52 AM CDT

Hope you haven't decided to stop posting here. No comments have been added lately either.

Although I do like the blubberybastard blog I also miss your posts.

Thank you:)

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 4:25 AM CDT

As Robyn said earlier, the voice sounds awfully familiar.

I think this is Rance's way of hinting that this might be one big elaborate hoax. After all, weren't his stories believable even when he stated that they were outright lies? (ie the catalog model extortionist).

None of his Hollywood insights are so groundbreaking that they could not have been gleaned from too much Access Hollywood and a failed screenwriting career.

Just a thought. And even if it's all a big hoax, who gives a shit? He's a wonderful writer and his stories are fun to read.

Keep it up!

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 7:21 AM CDT

Rancey-kins! Sugarlips! Hunk-face!

Lovely blog you've shared with us. Sounds like Gus needs to curl up with a cuppa chamomile tea and a mindless novel and chill out for a few.

So, R, how's comes you never return my calls, babycakes? I leave message after message and nuthin. I swear I took care of that back-hair problem. Honest, I did. Come on over, I'll make you a nice spinach omelet just the way you like it. ;-)

Hugz,
TBG

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 3:03 PM CDT

Gus Openshaw's Whale-Killing Journal is the funniest blog I've ever seen, but I fear it's only a matter of that time before some publisher airlifts Gus off the boat and to New York to sign a publishing deal--and we'll have to buy the book to find out whether he gets his revenge.

Speaking of funny blogs, what ever happened to this one?

Friday, 18 June 2004 - 11:23 PM CDT

Rance whoooooooo? captainhoof whaaaaaaa? I've got to hand it to Gus, he runs a tight ship. What time is the midnight buffet? This is way better than Carnival.

For the costume party, I'm going to lie out on the deck all day without sunscreen, slather myself with butter, and go as a lobster named Zoidberg.

Saturday, 19 June 2004 - 12:59 AM CDT

well i don't know for sure who it is however, i would just like to say THANKS for the porn and for not making it all gay porn this time!

Saturday, 19 June 2004 - 3:06 PM CDT

It just sets the feathers of my head on end...wait a second, I am crested to start with... well, if I were not already crested then having my comment lopped thus would cause the feathers on my head to stand on end.

Do I detect a deliberate campaign to oust me or it is merely more tripod antics?

~waxwing the apphrehensive

Friday, 2 July 2004 - 9:46 PM CDT

Umm.. yeah I read about this shit on a pop-up and decided to check it out, it seems to me that all you people are being fooled. A special chatroom? how often do people talk in perfect sequence in a chatroom. All this is, is someone got bored and felt smarter then everyone else and 'rance ' is proving it. Rance stop manipulating these gullible people and wasting their precious hours to gain popularity and get attention. Your not a leader your just intelligent so your making a mockery of all these losers who think they can prove they're smart, and probably laughing at them. You're probably a sociopath, look at those cult leaders they were all the same shit then they end up fuckin up the rest of the people just because some leader is charismatic.

Monday, 10 July 2006 - 12:58 AM CDT

Perfect site! Anything superfluous, all is laconic and beautiful. Thanks!