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Rance wuz here...
Tuesday, 26 April 2005
Pirates of Pensacola, Chapters 4, 5 & 6
1. Anybody here ever attended a Dale Carnegie Class before? I have...see kidding...really. I just wondered, was anyone else's a big crying, drama fest as well?
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2. What do you think motivated Herb to bombard Morgan with "quotes of the day"? Do you honestly think Herb lived by them as well???? Seriously. This aspect of the book has puzzled me. Keith, some insight here would be appreciated.

3. You're in heavy traffic going nowhere fast. The person in front of you zones out, falling behind the "flow of traffic", preventing you from moving your rightful 10 feet forward. Do you honk or patiently wait for him to get a clue? If you wait, do you curse him aloud in the seclusion of your car or sit in silence?

4. Have you ever dated a guy with an earring? If male, have you ever wore an earring?

5. Have you ever believed someone to be plum nuts, only to find out later they were telling the truth? If so, share. It distorts your perception of reality, does it not?

6. Scrimshaws for Chapters 4, 5 and 6 are now being accepted. I must say, this is something I look forward to every time. The entries have been amazing. Please keep them coming. The deadline is Thursday, 9:00 a.m. The more, the better. For now, here's mine...
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Posted by captainhoof at 2:50 PM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, 26 April 2005 3:26 PM CDT
Post Comment | View Comments (31) | Permalink

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:01 PM CDT

Name: Annie
Home Page:

My former boss made all of the employees attend a DC seminar. Luckily I was on maternity leave at the time and was unable to attend.

I heard it was pretty awful though. Lots of drama.

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:02 PM CDT

Name: leibniz

i presume that #6 should actually read "... are *now* being accepted"?

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:22 PM CDT

Name: rancette
Home Page:

#4, yes. only he started wearing the earring about 2 mos. after I started dating him (he had it before though). and if I had known that, I am not one that is attracted to guys with earrings. sorry.

#6 the scrimshaws are my favorite part!

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:27 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

No worries! It was a typo! My apologies...

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:28 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Thanks heavens for your hawkeye. Yes, it was a typo. Now, about that earring...

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 3:29 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Luckily is right. It's like some sort of warped therapy. The fact I was honored with Highest Achievement is worrisome. What does THAT say about me?

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 5:39 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

And as to your earring comment. Me neither, although I do think I might make an exception for Isaac and I must be honest...Lenny Kravitz is incredibly appealing regardless of how many piercings he may have. But when I saw Harrison Ford had an earring I was like, "What?" It just looks so unnecessary and out of place. "Um, Mr. Ford, you have something on your ear..."

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 5:45 PM CDT

Name: Gnomie

As usual, I have no idea what you're talking about, but will make a guess at answering what I can....

1. I have not only never attended a Dale Carnegie Class, but have - up 'til this moment - never even heard of one.

2. A quote of the day motivation.... hmmm? Perhaps the quote of the day was intended to actually annoy Morgan into thinking for himself. And people who constantly quote adages at you generally don't live by them as they have no time to live at all due to the constant pressures of researching new quotes.

3. If I'm only going to move a few feet forward anyway, I wouldn't worry about honking or cursing - although, if I'm truly honest, I'm more likely to be the zoned out person, anyway.

4. Yes I have dated guys with an earring... but only subtle ones... and I left them all behind in my mis-spent youth. My husband refuses to even allow the thought that our sons may want earrings as they hit their teens. Personally, it doesn't affect me one way or the other. I just happen to love jewellery myself (preferrably of the diamond variety where possible) so I don't object to anyone else doing the same.

5. No, I have such a vivid imagination, that I can believe almost anything!

6. I gather your scrimshaw is a piratic variation on the 'old boys network' theme??? Golfing Pirate flags on a tie. They do say that much business is done on the golf course... and modern day pirates are in business these days. Not much looting to be had on the open seas any more.

Gnomie :)

Tuesday, 26 April 2005 - 5:56 PM CDT

Name: feenxc

#1. no dale carnegie class, which from the sounds of it, i'm lucky.

#2. i think herb uses the quotes as conversation, something to say to morgan, and a way to hide himself, not letting morgan get close but letting him think he is. now, i have not read ahead, but i'm beginning to think herb is embezzling.

#3. i usually start out talking calmly to the driver, giving him/her gentle encouragement. but if it goes on too long, i'm a'yellin.

#4. i never thought about this before, but no, never dated anyone with an earring. not sure why, cause there are some mighty fine looking men out there. i wonder if it's the fear of falling for a gay guy?

#5. i thought about this one long and hard, about 2 seconds... i'm the one everybody thinks is nuts. my mouth opens, things come out, the brain sleeps thru it all. kinda fun!

#6. yeah!!!


Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 10:44 AM CDT

Name: Keith
Home Page:

#3. Because Herb had taken the Dale Carnegie course eighteen times.

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 7:12 PM CDT

Name: Trillian
Home Page:

1)I don't think I've ever head of a Dale Carnegie class, either. Don't let my boss hear about it, whatever it is. I've already had to attend endless days worth of “7 Habits of Highly Successful People”, “Raving Fans”, and various other “team building” classes. I have quite a collection of worthless certificates.
2)A lot of people believe in the mysterious power of quotes. Witness the incredible “Motivational Quotes” industry. Also witness my office building.
3)More likely, I'm the zoned out driver.
4)Nope, never have.
5)Yeah. I'll get back to you.

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 7:54 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

1) Oh, then be prepared's coming.

2) Quotes smotes. I detest those little calendar thingies. The first day someone lives a perfect life THEN I might consider pontificating a sentence or two.

5) Please do.

6) I hope that means you're sending one in.

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 7:55 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Thank you for the clarification. It all makes sense now...

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 7:55 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

I'm so glad you can participate. I can't wait til you actually get the book. I wouldn't have figured you for an earring groupie...

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 7:56 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

I'm right there with you on #5. I'm fodder for the family...LOL

Wednesday, 27 April 2005 - 11:32 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess

Ib Og Ib Og, has anyone mentioned how great the name Ib is? And what is this Dale Carnegie, I mean really! Re: 2 and 5, you'd have to be plumnuts to remember all those stupid cliches, nevertheless, they are a hilarious read. Just about as hilarious as watching ants traipsing about, or sitting in traffic with a bunch of drones, or, Harrison Ford and his darn earing....Pirates, Prophecy, Moses, Scrimshaws, it is all so exciting, can hardly wait. Oh, and as for my favorite line so far, I think it was "The lock disengaged with a hiss."

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 12:09 AM CDT

Name: Bastardess

One more thing, there is most certainly still a lot of looting going on on the high seas today. No offence or anything!

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 12:44 AM CDT

Name: labsnabys
Home Page:

1. Never been to a Dale Carnegie course, but I did attend a 2-day meeting last year that was a crying drama-fest. Maybe my old boss was a Dale Carnegie alumnus?
2. Herb was not creative enough to develop his own reason for living, so he relied on tired cliche's to motivate and justify his existence.
3. I wait patiently for, oh, about 2 seconds. Then I honk. See, if it was my dad, he'd be cursing and pounding on the horn like there's no tomorrow.
4. My first husband had an earring. He got it the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. That should have been an omen to me, but nooooooo....
5. Not that I know of. I still think they are all plum nuts.
6. It's on its way. Love the tie!

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 1:23 AM CDT

Name: ginny
Home Page:,12597,1471120,0

Okay, you guys, how come Rance isn't on the sleb group blog that Arianna Huffington's starting up? The Guardian newspaper (UK) has a "preview" that's almost as funny as "Pope Chat."

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 11:07 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

You know Ginny, that's a darn good question. If anyone belongs there, it's him. Perhaps we should start a petition??

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 11:08 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

I just can't quite put my finger on you...

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 11:09 AM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

1. I thought you were gonna say "Never been to a Dale Carnegie course but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

2. Very insightful answer.

4. LOL

6. Thanks. It's awesome, as usual.

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 12:31 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess


Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 1:48 PM CDT

Name: Bastardess

I know I'm new here and all, but that blog is retarded. Maybe we should start the petition on behalf of Owen Wilson, not Rance dumb dumb!

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 4:53 PM CDT

Name: labsnabys

ROFL on the #1 response...I wish I had thought of it myself. I LOVE those commercials.

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 4:55 PM CDT

Name: labsnabys

I'm not sure he'd want to be on it if you have to admit to being a "chum" of Arianna's...

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 5:36 PM CDT

Name: cat

1. never had a dale carneige course
2. Herb felt he needed to say something wise to Morgan. Maybe he was aware that Morgan looked up to him. Herb just wasn't smart enough to come up with his own stuff and found it easier to fall back on old bromides.
3. In traffic I wait and curse about 10 seconds then hang the horn for all it's worth. sorry road rage there.
4. yes, dated men with an earring. love men with an earring. something to nibble on during the date. oh i did not just say that?????
5. My father always said the most outrageous things which later would turn out to be true. I used to think he was "touched".

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 6:00 PM CDT

Name: Gnomie

I'm really looking forward to reading the book eventually too! You've certainly whet my appetite for it!!!

I'm not exactly an 'earring groupie' - to be perfectly honest I hardly ever notice if guys have earrings... but it doesn't bother me one way or the other, and I'm not going to freak out and assume my kids are gay if they want to pierce their ear later on. (As long as it's only one earring and discreet)... I just figure that with the amount of jewellery I choose to wear all the time (I have a gold and diamond addiction), I can't really comment if other people want to wear some. And there's not really a lot of jewellery for men so they don't have much option.

I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of the chapters disected.

Gnomie :)

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 6:23 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie


Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 6:24 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

3. I fluctuate in between. I usually reserve the use of the horn for life threatening situations only.

4. You did. You did. (<; But I won't tell...

Thursday, 28 April 2005 - 7:32 PM CDT

Name: Trillian
Home Page:

I used to work for a used computer company. Family business, I couldn't get out of it.
A lot of our business involved “Computer Shows”, kind of like a high tech flea market. These shows were frequently combined with “Ham Fests” which did not, as the name might seem to imply, involve food. Proponents of Ham Radios, a prehistoric type of wireless communication, would get together and compare the levels of their obsession.
There was a core group of guys who were at every computer and ham radio show- generally severely out of shape, greasy, poorly groomed guys in tshirts with messages written in binary code. Yeah. As one of the few chicks there, especially as a chick who actually bathed, I got a lot of attention.
This one guy in particular, Bill, was always talking about his amazing life. About 5'3”, 300 pounds, apparently bathed once a year whether he needed it or not. He had great stories about his job as a stuntman. Always wore tshirts and jackets with the name of some recent tv show or movie on them. Constantly name dropping. “Oh, yeah, I was talking to my buddy Tom Cruise the other day...” “As I was telling Harrison Ford, you can do that stunt yourself, but it'll look better if you let me...”
Most of us saw him as kind of a lovable if somewhat annoying lunatic, but Tim could not stand him. He lived for the day he could prove Bill was full of hot air.
One Ham Fest/Computer Show, Bill was excitingly telling us all that Burt Reynolds was going to be there. “Oh, yeah, my buddy Burt loves Ham Radio! He's been looking forward to this for weeks.”
Hours passed... eventually Bill disappeared for a while, then came back. “Yeah, my buddy Burt's here, but he said there were too many people here, so he's not coming in.”
Tim couldn't handle it. “Oh, really? That's him in that big RV out there?”
“Yeah, but he doesn't want to be bothered.”
Tim stormed off and banged on the door to the RV until it opened. And, of course, it was opened by Burt Reynolds. “Can I help you?”
“ uh...”
I've never seen anyone so flabbergasted by such a washed-up semi star.
But I started listening to Bill's stories in a whole new light...

By the way, when came along, I looked up Bill. He is indeed an experienced stuntman. Shocking.

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