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Rance wuz here...
Thursday, 2 September 2004
More Dick
Part 2

But no body.

I searched the entire apartment from top to bottom but found no
corpses, Italian or otherwise. The blood was isolated to the carpet
in the living room - the bedroom and bathroom were both busted up in
much the same fashion as the other rooms, but nothing stood out as
evidence that might lead to answers. In the trash barrel underneath
the computer desk, I found a pile of torn up photos of Angelina and
her ex-boyfriend Billy, apparently taken on and around Belvedere
Castle in Central Park. I found an envelope and collected the pieces.
The only other noteworthy item I found was in the small space between
the refrigerator and the adjacent counter ??" a plane ticket.
Destinazione: Roma. Must have been held by a magnet to the side of
the fridge and fallen (there are certain places where helpful clues
tend to crop up, and such a space is one of them).

I'd think about it all later -- time to flee the crime scene. I
filled
up a new dish of milk for the cat (soft spot for animals, don't tell
anyone), then walked into the hall and closed the door behind me. I
turned around and ran smack into an elderly man, who had quietly come
up the stairs.

"They all done in there?" he asked.

"Done what?"

"Done arguing. Damn man and woman were arguing loud as hell. Walls
are thin in this building, and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I
left."

The old man went on to tell me that it had sounded like an argument
about a relationship. He knew his neighbor Angelina, of course, and
said he had seen the man, Billy, come around frequently in the past,
though not as often recently.

I thanked him, then headed outside. Almost midnight. I pulled out my
cell phone and called the police. I'm generally not one to involve
cops when I can avoid it, but something clearly had happened, and
Angelina could very well be injured but alive somewhere. I have a
pretty good relationship with a detective at the nearby precinct house
??" once in a while, I throw him a bone, and just as frequently he
returns the favor. I got him on the line, gave him the address, and
hung up before he could ask any questions. It wouldn't be long before
he questioned the neighbor, found out an ex-boyfriend was involved,
and searched Angelina's apartment for his info. Billy was their next
logical target, and mine as well.

As I write this, I realize I've changed a lot over the years. If a
similar situation were to happen now, I'd be much more prone to
leaving it to the police to handle. After all, there was a likely
chance Angelina was dead, meaning there was an even more likely chance
I wouldn't be getting paid. Why waste physical and mental energy?
Sure, I could lie to you all and say I was counting on finding her
alive and collecting a fat reward, but the truth of the matter is, she
was pretty, and I don't like when people fuck with my pretty clients.
Like I said, this is ancient philosophy, but more on that later.

Time to track down Billy. I arrived at the jazz club at 12:30, where
Billy's band was in full swing. The place was filled with smoke (back
when smoking indoors was allowed in New York), and was packed with
about every type you can imagine, from lounge lizards to college
students trying painfully hard to look hip. Billy was standing on the
stage in the middle of a wild solo on his sax, and I politely waited
until after the applause had died down before working my way forward.
He took his seat, and I sidled up to him. I yelled to him that we had
to talk about the argument he had with Angelina earlier. He kept
playing, but glanced down at me with a suspicious eye.

"Her place has been trashed and there's blood everywhere."

He let out an extra large breath of air and missed the next note,
causing the rest of the band to glance over and give me bad looks.
Billy continued playing for a moment, then dropped out the song and
got off stage.

He led me through a black-curtained doorway. On the other side was
what you'd call the Green Room if you were on a late-night talk show,
only in this particular club, it could only be described as the back
room ??" a dingy shoebox of a space with concrete walls and a few small
round tables for the performers to kick back a few drinks at before
going on stage. A few musicians were smoking idly or chatting with
their dates.

Billy led me to a vacant table, and we both sat down.

"Here's the deal," I said. "I'm a private detective. I just came
over from your ex-girlfriend's apartment. The place has been torn
apart and there's blood on the carpet. I have at least one witness
who knows you were there earlier in the evening. Hope you have a good
alibi."

"Listen man," he began, looking totally shocked, "Angelina called me
and asked me to come over. Did she hire you?" I didn't move.
"Doesn't matter," he continued. "Everyone knows we ended on bad
terms. I left her for her younger sister, and she wasn't too happy
with the both of us."

"Not what she said, man," I replied. "She said she left you, and you
were pissed off at her."

He laughed, though not the type of laugh that suggested he found
anything funny. "Crazy bitch. Look, I broke it off with her to go
with her sister Tina a few months ago, and she's been furious at both
of us ever since. Every conversation has been an argument, and just
when it seemed like it was getting to a dangerous level, she
disappeared. Nothing for a few weeks, then I got the call tonight. I
can't believe I even went over there. She said she was heading back
to Italy, and wanted to say good-bye. I went over, and she started to
chew me out. Screaming and yelling - fuck that. I left after fifteen
minutes."

"So you don't know how the place got torn apart? Don't know where she
is now?"

"No clue."

"All right," I said. "You can go play now."

He laughed again. "Yeah, right. How long before the cops get here?"

The sound of sirens answered his question. He looked at me to see if
I'd try and stop him, but I stayed still. He threw his sax in its
case, then bolted out the backdoor into the alleyway. I followed
suit, as talking to cops was the last thing I wanted to do at this
point.

So two completely opposite stories and no reason to believe either. I
headed home.

The next morning, I got a phone call that put things in perspective.
Angelina's body had been found down by the Hudson River a few blocks
over from her apartment.


(to be continued)

Administrative Note:

The Administrative Staff will taking a holiday from comment-moderating, resuming operations Tuesday.

Have a nice Labor Day,

A.S.

Posted by captainhoof at 7:37 PM CDT
Updated: Thursday, 2 September 2004 7:49 PM CDT
Post Comment | View Comments (22) | Permalink

Thursday, 2 September 2004 - 8:20 PM CDT

Name: princessr9

Thanks A.S. I was waiting for more Dick. I hope everyone has a lovely holiday.

Thursday, 2 September 2004 - 8:40 PM CDT

Name: superfreak

No matter the topic, the banner ads are always appropriate! When guest bloggist Dick posts, I get ads about President Bush.

Thursday, 2 September 2004 - 9:09 PM CDT

Name: Rubber Duckie

Let me guess, Angela and Tina are twins...

Angela killed her sister Tina and has assumed her identity, thus killing TWO birds with one stone...

She has gotten revenge upon her sister for stealing her boyfriend, and framed her ex for her own murder when the body is really that of her sister, Tina...

Thursday, 2 September 2004 - 9:30 PM CDT

Name: feenxc

admin, it was great to hear from you and see you're still with us. hope your "small holiday" is great big fun! can you let us in on any details?

dick, the plot thickens...can't wait, but am gonna have to. i am going to have to get really drunk to make it thru this weekend without reading any more of these ongoing sagas!

*tap, tap, tap* my foot's starting to twitch...

kisshugs to all. admin, if you catch up with rance, wish him a happy holiday, also.

nastrovia

Thursday, 2 September 2004 - 11:08 PM CDT

Name: amuserato

Ai yah! Who wouldn't love "More Dick"?

Friday, 3 September 2004 - 1:48 AM CDT

Name: Snubby

Geez. You'd think people in a small town have never seen a camera before. Never carry a camera and wear a solid black shirt, I guess.

My camera has been in the shop three times in the past 18 months. Thank the heavenly realm for extended warranties. Once, it was gone for four months; this time was only nine weeks. Still, I miss my baby when she's gone.

Anyhoo... She's back; and I took her and the kids to the fair tonight. My daughter was galloping proudly upon her noble chartreuse and lavender steed when someone started tugging at my backpack strings.

"Scyuse me, mayum. Ju liv hur'n town?"

"Uh, yes, I do. Can I help you?"

"I'm thankin ju jus tuka pichur uvma babby gurl."

"Well, I was actually shooting at curly top over there, my daughter, but I suppose it's possible I got yours instead?"

Grinning from ear to ear and beaming with pride, she proceeds to give me the names of her daughter and granddaughter and offers to pay me to deliver the pictures to her daughter's job when they get developed.

Swearing quietly to myself that there was no way in hell I took a shot of her girl, I warmly oblige and tell her I'll see her soon.

Her family walks off and as I wait at the exit gate for my gal, I notice that others exiting the ride are smiling and nodding. And let me tell you, in this town, that is something to notice. Folks in these parts just aren't real welcoming to unfamiliar faces.

We continue down the midway. We stop for Captain Hook's Fun House and I'm snapping away as Alysia makes nine trips through the neon maze. The attendant, in serious need of a shower and several dental procedures, is grinning at me. I decide nine trips are enough and grab Alysia's hand. We turn around and it seems as if a small crowd is starting to disperse behind us.

Again, we continue on. I'm about to snap a picture of my Bear boarding the hang gliders and some girl twice her age jumps right in front of her and smiles and waves at me. As we leave that ride I start to notice an increasing amount of people smiling; waving; making peace signs; and a few of the mohawked weirdos flicking me off.

I may attempt to speak and write in relatively clear and proper English; but really I'm quite slow when it comes to figuring things out.

My daughter hitches a ride with a little girl for the bumper cars. I step to the side and I've got my 300mm all the way extended. I never did get a shot of Bear because everyone in the bumper car arena is fighting to stay in my camera's path.

I moved to a far corner and was actually nursing the baby when someone begins tapping my shoulder again.

"Scyuse me. I hate to bother ya, but I was wondering if you could take a picture of me and my cousin. He's visiting from Georgia. If you don't need it, you could send me a coupla copies. I sure would appreciate it."

I've passed the point of being oblivious to the strange actions around me, but I'm still quite befuddled by it; so again, I shrug and oblige the request.

The guy gives me their names and tells me at which gas station I can find him. He offers me a couple of free sodas if I bring them by his work.

I turn around and, seriously, three more groups of people have assembled in the hopes of having their picture taken. One group is debating on what they want in the background; the other group is fighting over who gets to stand in the front.

I'm probably looking as confused as a lost puppy, but I take the pictures anyway. In the meantime, my own daughter is splash dancing in a puddle and is totally covered in a horrible concoction of mountain mud and fair goo.

I rush off to spank a butt, and heads perk up all around me to see what noteworthy action I am running to catch. Perhaps Rance has entered the midway?

On our way out, a kindly old gentleman stops me and thanks me for my time. As he turns to go, he tells me he has been meaning to renew his subscription but he keeps forgetting. He assured me he would do it first thing in the morning.

Subscription? I look at my camera. I notice my solid black shirt. I think about my back pack. I guess I have been interchanging my lenses quite a bit. Never mind I'm carrying a sleeping baby and chasing a four-year-old.

Hmmm... Guess I should see if the paper needs a freelancer. Apparently, I've got some great shots from the fair. I know several people that will be disappointed next week when they don't see their pictures in the Courier...

In the meantime, I am trying to recall whether or not I got any shots of my own kids.


Have a great weekend. I don't know where you are, but steer clear of any high winds or heavy rains. The girls have been wanting to get down to the Keys again, but every time we think about it I hear about these darned storms. I truly feel for everyone there. Luckily, my four years in SoFla were pretty hurricane tame. My mom usually works herself into a relief, repair, and rebuild mission for her job, so maybe we can have a chance to help.

Nitey nite.

Friday, 3 September 2004 - 2:58 AM CDT

Name: JCanuck
Home Page: http://bulgybit.blogspot.com/

Let's see...

Angelina brought you photos of Billy, and then obviously must have taken them with her when she left your office.

She came to you because she wanted to put her mind at rest, or an end to Billy's "stalking", yet had a ticket for Rome and was leaving the country for good. (I'd check on who paid for that ticket and the departure date, btw)

No signs in her apartment of actually packing for trip, no boxes for the movers, nada. Had she notified the utilities and her landlord about vacating the apartment?

The apartment was torn apart by someone looking for something.

My thoughts would be:

Angelina was harrassing Billy.

Tina bought the ticket for Angelina.

Angelina was killed by Tina.

The apartment was torn up by Tina who was looking for the ticket but didn't find it as it has slipped between the fridge and counter. She couldn't resist tearing up the photos of Billy and Angelina out of jealousy.

You kissed your fees goodbye.

********************
A.S. I hope that you have yourself a great Labor Day weekend.


Friday, 3 September 2004 - 3:56 AM CDT

Name: Linda
Home Page: http://none

All this drama about "Who is Rance"???. People Magazine even had to chime in about it. Is there no end to this madness??? Who gives a good gawd damn? I don't care if it's Pope John Paul or (as many claim) Ben Affleck. WHATEVER.
Rance...God bless ya.

Saturday, 4 September 2004 - 11:51 PM CDT

Name: Ken
Home Page: http://eyecreate.net/

OMG, OMG, OMG....Bites lip.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sorry what were you waiting
for?

Sunday, 5 September 2004 - 12:02 AM CDT

Name: ANONYMOUS

IN SCHOOL OR NOT IN SCHOOL?

Wednesday, 1 September 2004 - 9:12 AM HDT
Name: Lanie

Actually, my internet is free right now. May not be the right thing to do, but I bounce back and forth between free offers. I'm sure you've received the discs in the mail too? I've been doing that ever since I started back to college.

Wed Sep 01, 2004 11:45 am
My name is Lanie. I'm 28, and a single mother of two small boys. I live in Idaho, about an hour north of Boise. After the split with the father of my boys, I started back to college in Jan of '03. I was attending full time until June this year.

2004-08-12 14:21:00
Category financing
Title Single mother in need of help
Link Body I am a single mother of two small children in need of a personal loan of $5,000. I have a car for collateral. I am in college full time and transferring to go on for my bachelors. I don't have the funding to move and get started. If anyone at all can help please contact me

lanabelle28@aol.com
City Boise
Region Idaho

Sunday, 5 September 2004 - 12:22 AM CDT

Name: flyrchld

How funny Rubber Duckie!! I thought EXACTLY the same thing!!

I wonder how it'll turn out...

A.S. and Mr. Rance, Have a wonderful, long weekend, hugs to all.

fly

Sunday, 5 September 2004 - 12:51 AM CDT

Name: flyrchld

Linda,
I often find myself hoping that rance IS just a normal everyday person who just happens to have a blog along with a great mind and a wonderful imagination, then maybe we won't have to worry about them disappearing forever.
I am so new to this blog, but already I have met some of the most fascinating people here.

To Mr. Rance,
no kisshugs, french kissing, lapdances, or lustful yearnings, (unless that works for you, of course), just a heartfelt plea that you don't leave this blog behind.
I know some others have asked that you move on to a more private and selective blog, I hope you disregard that idea as many of us newcomers will be excluded.
Life isn't fair, and I know that, trust me, but I get the impression that you are a decent person, and I could be wrong, but, you've never reduced yourself to being cruel or rude to anyone that I've read, and so I hope you'll take my words into consideration as you make a decision, one way or another.
With that, God bless you and have a great weekend.

fly

A.S. I'd miss you guys, too.

Sunday, 5 September 2004 - 9:46 AM CDT

Name: archetta

duh! tina and angelina are both conspiring against billy because he was ACTUALLY having an affair with their OTHER sister...

cradle robber!

Sunday, 5 September 2004 - 11:10 PM CDT

Name: denise

this is such an intresting story!!! I really enjoyed reading it. I love the whole mystery theme it has. Well i just wanted to let you know how great it is.
See yah, Dee

Monday, 6 September 2004 - 7:01 PM CDT

Name: Bubba

I believe that RDD is right, I saw that episode on Perry Mason too. Hey, I'm sitting here and it's time to toast...got me a fresh glass of kitten's blood...cheers chums.

-Bubba

Monday, 6 September 2004 - 7:18 PM CDT

Name: Toula

Duckie darling, you are a genius. Either that or a psychopath. Regardless, I don't want to get on your bad side! Good deductive reasoning skills!

Monday, 6 September 2004 - 9:37 PM CDT

Name: flyrchld
Home Page: http://flyrchld.tripod.com/geza/

"I'm gonna rip your shirt open so fast, you'll question your belief in buttons!"

That got my attention, how bout you?

To Rance or A.S,

I apologize, this may actually be covered elsewhere, but I can't seem to find it...

A buddy and I wonder...

How many Dodge Viper Points does it take to get a Dodge
Viper? Can said DVPs be traded in for oh, say, a Dodge Magnum instead? Is the whole Dodge Viper thing kinda like a Tootsie Pop? And finally, How Many Licks Does It Take To Get a Dodge Viper Point?

Thank you for your time and patience.

fly

Now he's getting a tattoo
He's gettin' ink done
He asked for a '13', but they drew a '31'
Friends say he's trying too hard
And he's not quite hip
But in his own mind
He's the dopest trip
(offspring)

So I said,"Boy you're looking pretty fly, (for a white guy)"

P.S. Offspring was on my flight a couple of months ago... they are SWELL.

Tuesday, 7 September 2004 - 11:14 AM CDT

Name: Sass

more Dick.


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.



Tuesday, 7 September 2004 - 11:50 AM CDT

Name: princessr9
Home Page: http://princessr9.tripod.com/Princess/

My apologies Ken. The Dick's story sucks, but it was Friday and I was feeling sick and depraved and I confess I got more than a little out of hand.

Tuesday, 7 September 2004 - 11:54 AM CDT

Name: princessr9

Anonymous, please find something else to do with you time. She already has the money she needs, so your efforts are futile. Move on.

Tuesday, 7 September 2004 - 1:33 PM CDT

Name: Ken
Home Page: http://www.eyecreate.net/

No apologies necessary. It provided me with a great chuckle and indulged my inner pervert at the same time.

Tuesday, 7 September 2004 - 2:01 PM CDT

Name: princessr9

I'm glad I could help. I just couldn't resist. Everybody, well mostly everybody likes Dick jokes, right?

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