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Rance wuz here...
Wednesday, 21 April 2004
Draft
Your Average Everyday Local Dominatrix
A couple or more years ago, when I was fresh off the Greyhound, I accompanied a friend to her friend's son's seventh birthday party in Glendale, a semi-suburb of LA. (Before continuing with this story, I should say that I'm sorry to those of you who want to hear about star-studded bunnyfests up at Hef's. The good news: "Inside the Playboy Mansion," is now out on DVD.) So, it was a sunny day. Lots of cake and candy and one of those inflatable castles on the yard with happy kids bouncing around inside. A delightful slice of Saturday-afternoon-in-America. Or so I thought. Then two other guests, a conservative banker husband and wife, told me that the hostess, Carol, a comely young woman you could cast as a dairy maid, was a dominatrix.

I assumed that was some banking insider term for, like, killer bond trader. "No, no, an actual dominatrix," Banker Husband assured me. Of note, he said "dominatrix" as he'd have said, "tailor" or "train conductor"--without a trace of disparagement. I found this disconcerting, if only because, outside of LA, conservative folk like these bankers--and most much everyone else for that matter--would've been covertly revealing Carol's occupation as a lead-in to: "Rance, we want you to help us get this depraved witch strung up!"

Inside the house was a photo of Carol in full work regalia. Black leather mask, whip, the whole Dominatrix nine yards. And this was no posed, costumed deal, like the pix of the starlet and Satan ballroom dancing. This is what Carol, a single mom, did, unabashedly, for a living. And, based on the house and 'hood, she made a pretty good one. "Large client base generated by the yellow pages, the internet, and, primarily, word-of-mouth," Banker Wife explained. It was news to me that dominatrixes had regular client bases. And how were referrals given? During a golf game: "Hey, Phil, I need a new dominatrix. Got a good one?"

The Meg Tilly look-alike serving birthday cake was a dominatrix by trade too. The Banker couple told me this with warmth, as if she taught their kids' kindergarten glass. A friend of theirs had a standing weekly with her, and raved.

You probably won't believe this. I didn't at the time. But, as I've come to learn, dominatrix in some LA circles is nearly as common a profession--and one held in no less esteem--as periodontist. Probably held in higher esteem. Who the hell wants a root canal? On second thought, maybe the same demographic with standing weekly beatings.

I will say this for the people of LA: they are singularly tolerant. And as I am far from being a pillar of normalcy myself, I've come to think that that part of being here is swell. You can breathe easier here, in spite of the fact that it's likely the most polluted place this side of Djakarta.

As it happens, a guy you and I mutually know ended up having an enjoyable chat with dominatrix #2, the one serving the cake, and wound up going out with her a week later. For Mexican food, not a strangulation. Still, there's a story there that'd shock even Hef. For fear of damaging his pacemaker and/or yours, let's save it for another time.

Until then,

R




Posted by captainhoof at 11:10 AM CDT
Post Comment | View Comments (65) | Permalink

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 11:28 AM CDT

Name: Nancy D.

After a quasi similar conversation with a friend here in my can't get more middle suburbia burg, I decided to do a little googling.

Yes, I would imagine the denizens of LA to take a profession like "dominatrix" to be just another day at the office. Here, however... But then again....it's always those who make the biggest fuss over such things that are the guiltiest, right?

The site that had PICTURES....yes, I WAS trying to see if I could recognize anyone I knew/know!

Then I emailed the links to my friends just in case we got bored on a Saturday night.....we'd know where to go.

Which just confirms what I've always suspected.... there are far more people who are participating in "deviant" behavior than not.

Which begs the question.... If most people are "deviant", wouldn't "normal" be what's bizarre?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 11:28 AM CDT

Name: amber
Home Page: http://www.gipsysmusings.com/mt/

You know, I forget that I've had such an eclectic upbringing until I read things like your post. I've got two friends that are professional doms, and to me, it's not a big thing. It's their day-job, and they make VERY good money doing it, though it's just not what gets my panties all in a bunch. Though it's always amusing to hear some of the stories... it brings a whole new meaning to bitching about work.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 11:47 AM CDT

Name: Rance
Home Page: http://captainhoof.tripod.com/blog/

Nancy, I think your last point is as insightful as any made on this site. The answer would make a good book. Seeing you have some time off now...

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 12:04 PM CDT

Name: John
Home Page: http://inhaler70.blogspot.com/

The question is... Did you go ahead and make yourself an appointment?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 12:28 PM CDT

Name: waxwing

Before this post generates the 100 or so comments it will surely produce, will someone share any method to sort comment posts that one has already read from the unread ones? I wish to read them all, but when I notice that a former post?s comment queue has swelled by one more (like April 16th below, among others) then I heave a sigh and wonder if scrolling through 10 pages of former posts is going to be worth it. In this case, happily, it was (thanks, Lora!). But I feel lazy and therefore ask the Intelligentsia of Tripodville for assistance. Is there such a method?

Interesting name choice for your dominatrix, Rance. Might have some explaining to do. Also, I was wondering how a kid would feel with a dominatrix for a mom when birthday time came around. What would those birthday spanks for each year, plus the ?pinch to grown an inch? be like in that case?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 12:40 PM CDT

Name: Elder

In the early 90s, when I was in college, a friend of our family had worked (in the 80s) as a lashmaster for Hollywood parties. He eventually retired, more or less, to Guerneville to live a mellower life with his (much younger, my age more or less) boyfriend. Nicest guy in the world; they were always a lot of fun to hang out with. It turns out the trick where straight guys hang out with gay guys to pull women works in reverse-- so much so that he wanted to take me out on the town, on a leash, and use my straight boy charm (masquerading as slave boy chic) to pull himself some new play toys. Never managed to schedule it, which is sort of a shame as there was some damn good food to be had in Guerneville back then and he was going to be footing the bill.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 1:11 PM CDT

Name: babygirlcrow

rance,

sorry but when i was reading your post this is what came to mind....

eat me, beat me, make me bleed, kinky sex is what i need!!!!!

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 1:20 PM CDT

Name: Robyn

I am friendly with a dominatrix here in New Orleans... we'll call her Mistress Burnadette. I hired her to model at an art event and in between sessions we talked back in my apartment. She was very smart, and very direct, and liked to tell stories. None of the stories were about her career, but things about her career would be mentioned just as one of us might say "So, someone came into the office today... blah blah blah". So she starts a story... "So I was working last Tuesday night and the phone rang, and I was up to my elbow in this guy's ass, but I knew I had to get it, cuz I was expecting a call..." and I thought that WAS the story, but it turned out it was something about UPS screwing her over.

There was a peacefulness about her I found comforting. She had made sex her art, and did all sorts of unusual things with it. She wasn't demented or sick... She wasn't ever abused. She simply enjoys sex, her way. After meeting her I felt like I could relax and fuck as I please without fearing I would be a sick freak. Though for some, that fear is precisely what makes the act attractive.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Rubbyn

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 1:22 PM CDT

Name: writersbloc

Djarkarta? I think it's nice that you use the old fashioned spelling -- I wish more people still did. Do you also spell archeology with that little e-type thing stuck between the A and the R?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 1:29 PM CDT

Name: tamara
Home Page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ramala

i had a friend who was/is a dominatrix at a fairly "high profile" dungeon in nyc. we were out to lunch and in close quarters with the other patrons while she described the "funniest thing that happened the other night." something about her riding crop accidentally breaking over the client's ass. only one head turned on that one, and it was a gentleman that inquired about her services. a business card was exchanged. we finished our coffees and left. new york city, though.

that was new york. i'm in new hampshire right now.

i thought that maybe i could try it out, you know...single mom...make a hell of a lot more money...wear a lot of latex...have a birthday party for my son when he turns 7...trade domme secrets with the other wife-folk...maybe.

maybe not.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 2:04 PM CDT

Name: jerry

R,

Will this tolerance travel to mid-America if the need to say, be beaten, increases? I think so and I also think the Puritan ethic of secrecy might erode as well; at least until we get old and the beatings don't work anymore.

Best,

Jerry

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 2:49 PM CDT

Name: silly dom

I sort of think I'd sometimes like getting paid to beat up people. It might even be something I'd get into, but once, a while back, some friends took me out to an S&M night at some nightclub. And this old, frail, Mister Rogers-esque guy (striped tie, baby blue cardigan, grey whiskers) asked the dominatrix hostess (a pal of mine) to introduce me to him. He asked me to paddle him. So I sat down in a chair. They layed him over my lap, handed me a paddle. He looked up at me, expectedly, like a toddler wanting some candy? His body was warm and lanky, dangling over. And I...just burst out laughing. Laughing hard, laughing. I tried to paddle the guy, but I was laughing too hard. Not the embarassed kind of laughing, but the "whoa - life is surreal" kind of laughing. The "who is this old guy in my lap" kind of laughing. It's been a while...Maybe I could now be a contender? In sum, thinking back, I associate the vision of that man with something akin to pity, not sympathy, not aggression, not self-satisfaction or a lucrative source of income. For some dumb reason, I feel pity. I also think about how ludricrous the flabby half-naked people spanking each other looked, and the creepy guy with his "smith and wesson" hand-cuffs that made my friend's eyes widen appreciatively. Oh well.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 2:54 PM CDT

Name: quite_curiou

baby...this is a material for Quientin Tarrantino,
"Black death in Suburbia".
Pitch it, write it and make a buck, pay for a ticket to the "Island up north" and go fishing. You deserve it!

And down with the president!

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 3:02 PM CDT

Name: compassion
Home Page: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=compassion

I want to thank you for describing Carol using the description of a dairy maid. I rarely have any clue who you are talking about when you mention people we are all supposed to know which can make for some frustrating reading. I have to propose, though, that someone working in the coroner's office is often privy to stories that would rival even the best dominatrix. Not that I know about either first hand, mind you, but one does hear stories from time to time. Regarding being able to breathe easier there, it would seem to me that no matter where a person is, as long as they are comfortable with themselves, they are able to breathe without a bit of trouble. Infinite Blessings

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 3:07 PM CDT

Name: Krystal Rose
Home Page: http://www.urbanhonking.com/today

This is far more entertaining than any playboy mansion story. Looking forward to the next shocking story in the dominatrix series.

Love,

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 3:41 PM CDT

Name: Cheryl

Tough question, Nancy D. I broke out the Textbook of Psychoanalysis for this one. Normalcy, in this context, is defined as follows: "Such ego restrictions, as well as such fixations and regressions of both the ego and the id...produce character traits which we shall tend to call normal if they do not interfere unduly with the individual's capacity for pleasure and his ability to avoid severe conflicts in his environment, while we shall tend to call them abnormal if they do interfere with pleasure to a great extent and do bring him into severe conflict with his environment. The distinction is purely a pragmatic one and the choice of where to make it is necessarily an arbitrary one." (I'll go along with this.)

As far as the behavior, the humiliation practice, here's the textbook answer. (For our purposes, I am not referring to a little mild kink. I'm talking about the ones with the getup, the leathered and the beaten): "We impose our own severe ego restrictions (i.e. dog collars) to satify a superego (superego= our morals and ideals) demand for punishment or penance." Fancy way of saying that when we are guilty, we punish ourselves. It appears as though the practice of humiliation may provide a temporary alleviation of symptoms (yes, I do believe they are symptoms of a problem), and should not be used to replace legitimate mental help. It is human nature to want other people to fix their problems. Perhaps this is merely another example, a strong figure to take your problems, almost like a parent fixing your mistakes. Not surprisingly, I don't believe that self abuse is always the best answer. Some people cut themselves, self-mulitate, binge drink, some get fat or starve themselves. I wouldn't recommend this either, although these are undoubtedly far more damaging practices.

In the movie, The Secretary, the secretary was a cutter who was unable to stop cutting herself until her boss began spanking her. Both parties understood this. He replaced the behavior, something doctors were not able to understand. The spanking was a replacement behavior for genuine self-mutilation. The question any good Buddist will ask themselves over and over, much as a child, is why. (Why am I feeling the need to punish myself? Because X. Why do you feel/do X? Over and over, until you get to the root.) It seems at times, asking this question can hurt more than the harshest spanking ever could. Are people using this to avoiding legitimate suffering?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 3:43 PM CDT

Name: gans
Home Page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/planet_gans

The dominatrix thread has been beaten like the ass of a wealthy I-Banker but I'll throw in my two cents.

Cent One: I went with some friends to a place in NYC on W. 23rd Steet by the name of "Marquis de Sade". They had a menu with the first four pages devoted to food (I hear it was pretty good) and the last page for "Specialties of the House". This inlcuded; spanking, public humiliation (a girl yells insults in your face), dog treatment (you wear a dog collar, get in a cage, and eat out of a dog food dish), baby treatment (shirt off, bib, high chair), and a couple others, which I can't recall. One friend was celebrating a birthday so we ordered him the spanking, it was 20 bucks but more than worth it. That's another story.

Cent Two: I also met a dominatrix who was doing improv comedy at the same theater as myself. During the dot-com crazy of the late 90s, she was raking it in. $500/hour, no problem. Of course, she had to rent dungeon space but still she was making serious cash. When I met her, the bubble had just burst and she lost most of her clients. Her latest project was making an excercise video, with her in full dominatrix gear, yelling at you to do situps or whatever. The title... "Dominatricise". I miss New York.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 3:52 PM CDT

Name: Diana Balance
Home Page: http://www.dianabalance.com

LMAO. Another 'retired Dominatrix' here. I respect an individual who can see through the costumes and the stereotypes. Hollywood generally portrays women in the profession in a comedic or criminal light - considering the number of men in the entertainment biz who -visit- prodoms on a regular basis, that's seriously f**ked up. One must keep a sense of humor about the whole mess to keep the cynicism in check.


Your blog has quickly become one of my first stops of the day. Apologies if this has been asked before: have you ever considered writing a screenplay or novel?

Diana

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 4:18 PM CDT

Name: Nissa

Babygirl....You never cease to make me laugh...I'll second, third, fourth and fifth that...LMAO

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 4:25 PM CDT

Name: Lezlee

Rance --

I think maybe middle america is more "tolerant" of this type of thing than you would imagine.

I am a church going girl but my friend down the street is a stripper who recently admitted to me that her marraige is breaking up because she is tired of her husband "hiring her out" as a side business. Another woman I know fairly well has just told me that she has begun to visit sex clubs on the weekends and doesn't know if it's a good idea to tell her husband or not (he's obviously not invited to come along). Do these things suprise me? No. Maybe that is partly due to being in a profession where people confess their deepest secrets on a daily basis. I don't know.

What I do know is that I am not politically conservative, but I am sure, due to my religious affiliation and seemingly normal looking "mom driving an SUV" lifestyle, some people would probably consider me very "straight" or "conservative". In terms of my personal life, that's probably a pretty accurate description. But it isn't an accurate description in terms of my outlook on life.

If that's true of me, it has to be true of thousands of other SUV driving mother's out there as well.

Maybe being in LA so long has warped your sense of what middle america thinks. If you are a celebrity you should well know by now, don't believe everything you read in the press.

Lezlee

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 4:28 PM CDT

Name: Nissa

Ok Rance,
You never cease to make me laugh Rance, between you and babygirlcrow, I get a daily dose of laughter. Thanks!!
All laughter aside, you'd might be surprised at how unshocking that is to some people. For instance, me. It takes a lot to shock me now, someone being a dominatrix is nothing new to me. I have some interesting stories I've heard from friends, but I'm not going to dish any dirt. That's not a bad profession if ya think about it, if she has a steady client list and it doesn't interfer with her daily life, then why shouldn't she do it?

You say the banker said "dominatrix", like he would have said "tailor" or "train conductor" and you found that disparaging why? I don't, but then again everyone is not as open-minded as I am. As the old saying goes "Appearances can be deceiving." That is very true, one never knows what circles some people run in...It goes hand in hand with "Just when you think you know somebody, they shock you!" I've been known to do that a few dozen times myself...LOL...

Later,
Nissa

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 4:40 PM CDT

Name: Balti

One of my colleagues at work introduced me to your website. After having read your entries, I just have a few, general comments/questions:

1. From where does the word "blog" come? (Is my tech ignorance shining through in this question?)

2. What prompted you to start this website...Is it a tech-twist on drunk dialing, or maybe just a means of passing time?

3. In one of your ealier entries you questioned why people take an interest in your site. (I apologize in advance if I am repeating others' opinions on this, but I have to admit I have not read all comments.) But I think you "speak" to your audience in such a way that a chit-chatty, one-on-one conversation is created. Coupling this with the potentially true Hollywood intrigue you offer up makes for some interesting reads. Just in case you were still pondering this question.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 5:10 PM CDT

Name: Kari
Home Page: http://haikuoftheday.blogspot.com

I am jealous of this so-called "glen dale" with your dominatrixes (dominatrixi?)and plastic-jumpy-trampoline parties.

The people in my neighborhood are either a)dale gribble wannabes or b)george w. wannabes. I'm pretty sure they think plastic-jumpy-trampolines (and, of course, dominatrixies) are the spawn of satan. It's a frightening place.

The last party I went to we talked about how exciting it was that the guy down the street works for Fed-Ex. A dominatirx in this place might cause the denizons to burn the whole town down and start over from scratch.

Perhaps it is time I invested in a cat o' nine tails.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 5:33 PM CDT

Name: betty

that was funny...I once had a friend in an acting class who was a dominatrix. She followed up telling me that by adding "but there's no sex involved."

This sort of made me feel even weirder. Somehow, the idea of a guy paying to JUST get beaten and humiliated, is even worse than the thought of a guy who gets beaten and humiliated but at least gets some sort of sex out of it.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 5:41 PM CDT

Name: Kari
Home Page: http://haikuoftheday.blogspot.com

so I just wrote a comment, but this wanker Tripod thing never posted it. Now I'm posting this to see if it works. Possibly I am the wanker.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 6:41 PM CDT

Name: Jade
Home Page: http://www.jadedwritings.com

I'm surprised you were taken aback by the banker's nonchalant view of fetish workers in L.A. I've lived in several major cities, and such sex professionals are usually just considered part of the territory.

If you're interested, here's another interesting dom tale, recently published in The Observer:
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,11913,1192592,00.html

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 7:09 PM CDT

Name: Nancy D.

But does it get in DVP's???

I think if I actually WRITE something, I should get at LEAST one solid red DVP point.

But if I wrote a book or a TV show or something....and got paid for it... I wouldn't be able to say "Yea, just got that English degree cause it didn't have a math requirement". It would actually look like a purposeful career move.

What fun is that?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 7:13 PM CDT

Name: applecityboy

I have a theory about dominatrix sex: the majority of dominatrix practitioners are normal folks who enjoy, or are good at having control in one specific area of life - the bedroom- and provide a market-demand service. No real suprise there - some folks get jollies from flashing, making vids, and wearing lacy unmentionables, others like golden showers, beastiality, voyeurism, etcetera. (Hey, everybody's different- so no generalizations should be applied, here.) The real meat of my theory, however, focuses more on the psyche of the clientelle. I beleive a person who feels they have been 'naughty' or has guilt over something will seek out absoloution where they feel most comfortable. What better place to feel the ol' cathartic release then strapped in the leather and plastic embrace of a professional dom? I learned from some conversations I've had with a couple of pros, that parlors -where the rubber meets the road, so to speak- cultivate an essential strict respect of trust between master and servant. (I know, I know -you're saying 'duh!!' you dingleberry). If you can trust someone to give you your punishment, it satifies two things- your self-toture and humiliation desires, and it feels like a dirty sidestep from mediocrity, which is just cool as cat's pajamas, because now you have a secret that seperates you from the rest of the population, you special little freakling, you. Beats talking to a shrink or a preist, huh?
So, I think we agree from what's posted in here about LA's moral ambiguity seemingly outdoing other large cities, maybe because of it's population- higher concentration of like-minded spankees- or the industries that support the lifestyle? I speak from a midwestern viewpoint, having lived in Chicago, Detroit, Kansas City, Denver, Green Bay, Minneapolis, and we just don't have dominatrices (did I get that right- dominatrixes?) popping up in public dinner conversation. So, maybe there's alot of 'guilty' people in LA in need of a good humiliation for daily choices, like "...sure, Jackie Chan is a stunning choice to play the part of Constantine, and when he invades Turkey, the whole fate of Istanbul can rest on the outcome of a brilliantly choreographed one-on-one kung-fu fight!!". Sounds plausable to me.

So, Rance (or anybody), do I get to feel smug about my theory, or do you have something to offer on the subject to the contrary that'll deflate my miniscule ego?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 9:33 PM CDT

Name: Britt

BGC, you + me = a little bit of the old in out, in out, yes?

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 9:34 PM CDT

Name: Dan

While I'm not Rance, I can answer your first question.

Blog comes from the word weblog - a term coined to describe online journals such as this one. Originally, many contained links to other things (hence the web prefix), but eventually this evolved to an online forum/diary/journal.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 11:20 PM CDT

Name: ksenia

You must have been very young when you got off that Greyhound. Even out here in the midwest it takes more that a dom to shock most of us (although I'll admit that our local dom does have a day job). I am so tired with the coastal attitude that everyone east of Nevada or west of Penn. rides on a turnip truck. Glad you got educated, too bad you had to go all the way to Calif. to do it.

Wednesday, 21 April 2004 - 11:25 PM CDT

Name: ljm

I think you are talking apples and oranges here, or maybe paddles and restraints. The behaviour of a dominatrix?s clientele is not at all related to the self-mutilation practices of cutting or eating disorders. Healthy people who practice dominance or submission, in either extreme or mild forms, do so because they get sexual pleasure from it. It feels good, so they do it. That?s the why. The Textbook for Psychoanalysis reference ??shall tend to call them abnormal if they do interfere with pleasure to a great extent?? doesn?t apply here. The humiliation is in fact the source of great sexual pleasure between healthy consenting adults.

As to the suggestion that submissives are seeking a strong figure to take away their problems, the submissive is usually the person in control of the situation. They determine exactly what happens and when things start and stop. In The Secretary a sub/dom relationship is examined to tell a story and elements of that relationship and those characters are manipulated to best create tension and conflict, essential for a compelling movie. Its not necessarily an accurate representation of real world sexual dynamics.

While people who have mental illnesses may practice sexual submission, they might also vote Republican or shop at WalMart. The two things are not necessarily related. For the record, I?m not a practicing dom/sub/top/bottom/whatever, although I know a few. I do, however, get really really turned on when anonymous bloggers reveal their secret identities.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:17 AM CDT

Name: Lora

I look forward to part II of the Dominatrix story. My guess with regards to Hef is that he would already be shocked by your blog and therefore, the pacemaker is simply a device assisting him to breath easier... And finally, I am slowly coming to the conclusion that your all time favorite book must be the Yellow Pages.

PS: WendyJo & Waxwing thanks for your kind comments

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:29 AM CDT

Name: Emerald Sky

Rance, I am embarrassed to say this, but I cried after I read this story. I can't explain why...I just felt deep sadness.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:02 AM CDT

Name: xinda

Djakarta as in the capital of Indonesia? It's cute that you're using that old spelling.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:13 AM CDT

Name: lila
Home Page: http://huh?

dear rance,
i don't have a dominatrix story but as a massage therapist i do get alot of "quirky" people that appear on the outside to be mom and pop middle america....
frankly the past 5 years of working at a health spa has giving me a new hope and inspiration... that not all human beings are as boring as i had previouly thought....
for example,
"do you do ovarie and breast massage?"
"do we HAVE to use blankets"
or the russian mail order bride begging me to be her "secret girlfriend"
or the little old "no frills" asian woman with a GIANT multi-colored rooster on her back that looked freshly done!

oh also i don't live in la but one time when i was there, in the late eighties, to my delight, i saw the guy who plays eldin on murphy brown shoping at the beverly center.
i loved that show. our paths kept crossing and he said something and i acted shy and awkward my blood started rushing to my face, so i gave him a mean look and ran off.
i read last week that he died, did you know him? did he do anything after murphy brown?


Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 2:55 AM CDT

Name: Diana Balance
Home Page: http://www.dianabalance.com

Betty wrote:

This sort of made me feel even weirder. Somehow, the idea of a guy paying to JUST get beaten and humiliated, is even worse than the thought of a guy who gets beaten and humiliated but at least gets some sort of sex out of it.
------------------------------

A legit prodom would never have sex with a client. I realize it may sound bizarre to folks on the 'outside', but if you really think about it...a man who wants sex and is willing to pay for it can easily rent a room, open the Yellow Pages to the 'Escort' section, and make a phone call. Assuming he is a well-behaved and considerate gentleman with an open wallet, he can get anything he wants.

The men (and the occasional woman) who need the services of a professional Domina do not want that control. It's not about sex per se - although it is sexual. Masochism is not about pain, it's about the ability to eroticize it. The submissive only feels in control when he is on his knees. The bondage enthusiast can soar only when he is tied down. The fetishist can only feel free to admire beauty when the object of his desire is dangling in front of his face. The man who can have any woman secretly desires the snickering, leather-clad, stiletto-heeled bitch who rejects him. THAT'S what it's about.

A talented and experienced prodom is part psychologist, part nurse, part dog trainer, part bully, part celebrity, part Goddess, and all of the center of the universe to the person who worships her. It's a lucrative and rewarding profession to the -few- who can handle it. Unfortunately, with the popularity of the internet, every dumb bimbo club-kid and model/actress with a PVC mini and a pair of cheap stiletto shoes believes she can throw up a webpage and phone number and the cash will just flow in. She'll quickly get a taste of reality, but in the meantime, it lowers the over-all quality control. It's rather frustrating to us 'old-timers' but what can we do? We'll keep practicing our sailing knots and corset training and perfecting the ability to walk in 7" heels and reading Stekel. Perhaps learn another language. Life goes on.

Diana

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 9:18 AM CDT

Name: Evelyn Nina Chuale

"Dominatricise" - funny....
Y'know, maybe this is all just about dressing up? Leather thigh boots, chain link bras, etc. Rance & others - what costumes would you like to wear?

And how about those people who dress up in animal costumes and go to conventions? That might be sort of fun, at least until the chafing starts.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 9:19 AM CDT

Name: WendyJo

Thanks for taking the time to post that, Cheryl.
Maybe, the desire to be punished is more prevalent in L.A. because a larger population than the norm (compared to most cities) live very permissive lifestyles/ lack self restraint and are surrounded by enablers. (The yes-men.) After a rough week of being told "yes" to absolutely everything and anything, they want to be denied and punished.

BTW, Rance, what is your opinion on this sort of thing? Are you not opposed to the occasional spanking, or do you think it's all just a little depraved?

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:08 PM CDT

Name: Rance
Home Page: http://captainhoof.tripod.com/blog

Nancy, as it happens, the judges awarded you three DVPs for your post. Congratulations. DVPs, like points awarded during a boxing match, are not always announced.

On that note, to the several others who have said they wanted stuff other than a Viper, like the guy who said he wanted points towards a pair of leather pants, the prize is a damn Viper, and that's that. If you win the Viper, which is worth around $90K, you can sell it and buy at least a half-decent pair of leather pants.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:20 PM CDT

Name: Rance
Home Page: http://captainhoof.tripod.com/blog

A while back, I would have been surprised that you were surprised that I was surprised. But people think that in my position, one must have seen the world three times over and heard it all. Friends think I have some special insight into whether the Lakers will win the championship this year, for example, just because I know one of the players. He and his teammates, by the way, have less of an idea, statistically, whether their own team is going to win than a good oddsmaker does.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:28 PM CDT

Name: Shorty

Rance,

Better be careful what examples u are using in ur blogs.......... u might blow ur cover some day. U leave too many clues for me and my homies to pick up. Those homies know who I'm talking about. Just be careful, don't want to know....not yet anyways.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:31 PM CDT

Name: Rance
Home Page: http://captainhoof.tripod.com/blog/

Lots of comments don't get posted. Wankers in fact do face a greater likelihood of having theirs deleted. Non-wankers alike often will not see their posts on the site. This is a function of the high volume of posts and the fact that the site randomly vaporizes stuff sometimes.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 12:49 PM CDT

Name: WendyJo

Hey Lila, don't know if you know, but there is a such thing as massaging the ovaries/uterus. (from the abdomen, lol)

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:19 PM CDT

Name: Herby

OKay....I'm an SUV driving suburban housewife, and I have to admit that I'm shocked by the whole "dominatrix" thing. Now....I'm fairly young, and am not intimidated in any way when it comes to sex, but I can't for the life of me picture the 50 year old married professor who lives next to me on all fours begging to be spanked by his "dominatrix, president of the PTA" wife. I would never judge anyone due to their sexual likes or dislikes, and don't we all liked to be spanked every now and then? I just don't understand the fascination of it. The whole humiliation aspect of it....well it baffles me.

So maybe I'm one of the ignorant middle america people who don't think that type of activity is that prevalent. But then again I actually thought that infidelity was something only troubled marraiges experienced....

Herby

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:20 PM CDT

Name: bgc

Well, I hate to say this... cause i do love the Lakers...

but i think the Spurs are going to take it again this year...

unless for some reason or another the lakers wake up and start playing better than they have....

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:24 PM CDT

Name: Shadiis

I've only just started reading your blog, but what I've read so far I like. Just thought I'd tack on my own slightly amusing dominatrix anecdote.

I used to know a couple of girls online who were dominatrixes in Florida. They were telling me about a fetish party that they'd gone to. When they got to the part where they told me about giving a guy a vodka enema, I said "I bet the martinis tasted like $#!+". heh

Ok, I guess it wasn't all that amusing.

I think I'll go back to reading your archives. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. Yeah, like I really need more blogs to distract me at work. hehe

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:27 PM CDT

Name: Balti

Thank you! I tend to miss the obvious sometimes.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:30 PM CDT

Name: J

WendyJo said:
--"Maybe, the desire to be punished is more prevalent in L.A. because a larger population than the norm (compared to most cities) live very permissive lifestyles/ lack self restraint and are surrounded by enablers. (The yes-men.) After a rough week of being told "yes" to absolutely everything and anything, they want to be denied and punished."--

I think it's less about yes men and more about rejection.

Celebrities and those who are driven to a high level of success have a different make-up than many people. Not many of us can take rejection after rejection only to return for more. It seems they are wired differently and the negative energy pushes them forward rather than repelling them as it would most people. Using the dominatrix may be their way of experiencing that sensation in a controlled setting while feeling in charge of the situation, unlike their every day life.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 1:40 PM CDT

Name: tammi

if it's so common, does that mean that you have been with a dominatrix?

also, please continue with the story. i like shocking.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 2:36 PM CDT

Name: Cheryl

Hey ljm,
Thanks for the feedback. I really think we agree more than you realize. For the sake of decency, I did not want to get too graphic with my definition, but I'll make a little exception here. The part about enjoying it, well, hyaah. Who doesn't know that? The other part of the definiton refers to social consequence. So basically, how I interpret this is, as long as the person is getting off with a reasonable degree of satisfaction, and he's not prancing through Walmart in his leather chaps with the ass cheeks hanging out, he's just ducky. He's within normal range. On the other quite possible hand, if he is losing his mojo as a result of these beatings (which can happen, if you can imagine), and he is terrorizing the old women at bingo by exposing his pierced nipple, that's not so normal. See what I'm saying, it's really quite basic.

As far as mental illness goes, I did not say that people who do this are necessarily mentally ill. I said they self abuse. That is a pretty obvious fact. To be more specific, they pay large sums of money to have a person do the abuse for them. Do normal people self abuse? All the time. Last weekend, I threw back about five Cosmopolitans, and I wouldn't exactly call that a nice thing to do to myself. Did I enjoy it? Hell yes. Just call it what it is, that's all I am saying.

As for the Secretary, I know it's a movie, but I thought it was relevent and quite interesting, as did the folks at Sundance. The scenario presented put a plausible and unusual twist on the sexual dynamic. The woman actually got better as a result of the beatings, and ultimately, ended up with a sex life most of us can only dream about. Yes, it was fiction, and no, I don't think it was scientifically sound. But why not explore the possibilities in order to get a better understanding? In many cases, people do this because they are imbalanced. Don't kid yourself here. And I am merely suggesting that there are other options besides ass pounding for their problems. I may be way outta line on this, but I don't think so.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 3:19 PM CDT

Name: nobody you know

I had a roommate who, after law school, was working as a stripper in LA to pay her tuition bills. She somehow heard or read about the dominatrix trade in LA, managed to get a referral to someone, and moved into doing that.

She paid off law school in six months, quit, opened up her own law firm.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 3:19 PM CDT

Name: Nancy D.

Lakers???????? Oh dear. Does this mean we can no longer blog????

Of course, I am less confident of my particular favorite team after their abysmal and shameful fall from first place and yes, 5 games in front of your Lakers.

But.....and we all know this is THE most important factor when it comes to who should, and who should not, win the NBA championship.... my guys are a lot better looking.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 3:43 PM CDT

Name: Robyn

Not really on the contrary, but in addition, let's say:

I think a lot of fetishistic behavior is rooted in our primal instincts and childhood memories. I believe some are into high heeled boots because it reminds them of being young, on the floor with Mother in charge, and the nearest most visible thing was her shoes. (Ever seen the character "Nanny" in "Muppet Babies?" She is a pair of shoes and green and white striped stockings.)
High heeled shoes or boots are also thought to cause a person more difficulty in being able to walk or maneuver with ease, and long ago, walking slow made you an easier catch.
I think another reason folks engage in S&M is to have a sexual experience devoid of emotional intimacy.

Robyn

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 3:46 PM CDT

Name: Lora

Hi Diana:

Wow, you certainly seem to have the experience in this profession. I enjoyed reading your comment. When you made this into your profession did you learn it from somewhere/someone? E.g. take seminars, workshops, or simply read about it? Just curious.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 4:16 PM CDT

Name: yozhik
Home Page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/yozhik/

Outside of San Francisco, where a sexual fetish is like a fashion accessory, I find Los Angeles to be one of the most sexually tolerant places I?ve known. If a girlfriend and I were at a party [1] and started up a conversation about how tantric clown sex had entirely revitalized our relationship, I don?t think anyone would even blink. On the other hand, through various conversations I've found that the environment here politically is very polarized [3]. Even daring to mention that you don?t think that Satan controls Bush can make you the pariah of almost any Hollywood party [4]. Like anywhere else, it?s open-minded on some things and very intolerant on others, except that here it tends to go to the extreme.

[1] Entirely hypothetical of course, as we both know that we are actually just a couple of out-of-work slobs who spend all our time on the Internet and have never actually had a girlfriend [2].

[2] Intimate conversations over instant messaging with men pretending to be women does not count.

[3] This is based on the rare occasions when I actually did succeed in changing the subject from the weather.

[4] Even if you know for a fact it is Moloch, fire god of the Ammonites, who is actually calling the shots.

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 7:44 PM CDT

Name: Jade
Home Page: http://www.jadedwritings.com

>>A while back, I would have been surprised that you were surprised that I was surprised. But people think that in my position, one must have seen the world three times over and heard it all. >>

You're absolutely right. The public does tend to view celebrities as being more worldy than average citizens. I apologize for this assumption.

I often wonder if the actors and actresses who work on movie sets in exotic locations ever have the opportunity to enjoy the local culture. Are they confined to their hotels and trailers during months of shooting? Or worse, are their travel experiences hindered by their status?

Thursday, 22 April 2004 - 9:21 PM CDT

Name: lila

yeah thanks, i know there is such a thing, i left out that we massage with other people in the room getting their massages as well and there is a strict policy on draping.
i should have worded it better. it was my first comment to this site, next time i'm gonna try harder to be more literate..lol...

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 1:43 AM CDT

Name: Gidget Bananas

BDSM is boring now that it's so mainstream. I mean, really, Britney Spears wearing dominance gear on the red carpet? Shania Twain and her buckles? Appalling! BDSM -- the new vanilla!

That's why I put my whips away.

Gidget

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 10:54 AM CDT

Name: Citizen A

I love how corn growers from Iowa come to this website and suddenly are so blase about having a dominatrix living next door. Oh yeah, they say, happens all the time.

Rance lives in this LA netherworld and he must think its a little strange or he wouldn't have even mentioned it.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 11:45 AM CDT

Name: TBRB

Have to agree with you Shorty!! Don't want to know just yet. Like the mystery!

TBRB

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 12:40 PM CDT

Name: Shadiis

Yeah, I know how you feel. I mean, I've had to take up "eXtreme-BDSM" just to be different.

That's where you have a defibrilator machine in the bedroom, and you actually have to kill the other person, and then shock them back to life.

Friday, 23 April 2004 - 1:36 PM CDT

Name: cheryl

Hey Robyn,
Good point. But my concern is this: when people go extreme hard core, they can desensitize themselves, and become unable to function/enjoy themselves without it. This is fine, I suppose, if your partner(s) shares your taste. But, I have heard of situations when this was not the case. Do you remember the episode of Sex and the City, when dear sweet Charlotte had a lover who needed to call her a bitch and a whore to get off? lololol! I actually had two girlfriends encounter the same problem. One of these men was a "celeb", too, a boxer. Oy. Anyhow, she was a a sweet 24 year old virgin, and here's this guy who can't get off without calling her names. Horrible. If I told you who he was, you would DIE laughing, too. I wish I could, but I can't be that cruel.

Saturday, 24 April 2004 - 10:08 PM CDT

Name: ljm

Hey Cheryl,
I realize I'm absurdly late in responding to this, life got in the way of my blog reading (the nerve of it). I agree that we're close on the fundamentals - PDAs of bondage are just as inappropriate as heterosexual groping in the dairy aisle at your local Safeway.

I think where our opinions diverge is regarding the mental health of people who practice BDSM. A lot of perfectly healthy people are "ass pounders" simply because they want to and they enjoy it, not because they are driven to by guilt or a mental disorder.

In fact, individuals who participate in behaviour that is outside the realm of traditionally accepted relationship dynamics can be more mentally confident and stable than those who always stay within the lines. They aren't afraid of societal condemnation and are willing to pursue the lifestyle that satisfies them the most, rather than be restricted to acceptable behaviour that is unfulfilling.

Obviously, within the large population of people who practice BDSM (much larger than the general public believes) there are people with problems. The same could be said for any large community with common beliefs, like oh say Catholic priests. They may be drawn to that community because it seems to be a solution for the problem they have, but that doesn't mean the healthy members of that community should be tarred with the same brush.

Monday, 31 May 2004 - 12:37 PM CDT

Name: GF
Home Page: http://www.eurasiangoddess.com

TO h-ll with your identity! I want to know which DOMINAS they were...lol

GF

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