My life is boring and not worth writing about, except for my knowledge of one thing. So this blog will focus on that thing. It is, for lack of a better word, celebrity. I stumbled onto it by a series of chance events. Suffice it to say, I can tell you what it's like to see your picture on the magazine rack every now and again when you pay for groceries. And that'll have to suffice. I'd like this to be the sort of account afforded only by anonymity. And it that happens, if my identity were revealed, I'd quickly be selling grapefruits -- instead of paying $14 a pop to eat them -- on Sunset Blvd.
First, I will address the first two things you're wondering, if you're like most people: 1. What's it like to be famous? 2. Do you know Paris Hilton?
1. Have you ever tossed a scrap of bread into a duck pond and seen all the ducks all pounce on it? Being well-known, particularly in Hollywood (by that, I mean everywhere within 50 miles of Hollywood), is like being the scrap of bread. That having been said, I enjoy bread sometimes.
2. I have never met Ms. Hilton, though I've been at the same bar as her (then again, who hasn't?). This question, incidentally, has recently supplanted "Do you know Britney Spears?" as the number one most popular Do-you-know. Britney was on top for a good year-and-a-half, the all-time record. Rounding out the top five (in no particular order): Cameron Diaz, Tom Cruise, Ben and Matt, and Kato Kaelin. Of the above, I will say that I have met Kato twice (painful though it will be, someday in this space, I'll devote an entry to the phenomenon of his celebrity, and what it says about celebrity.) Why doesn't anybody ever ask me if I know or have met any famous scientists or humanitarians? The explanation, at least partially, may be the same as why I will now bring this morning's entry to a close: the daily appointment with fitness that is one of the most critical elements of my Facade Maintenance Program (FMP). I'd rather write the screenplay for "Kato: The Weeklong Mini-Series" than lift weights and run, but I've been convinced that the results can mean a difference in hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not my employment altogether.