Saturday, 26 June 2004 - 6:02 PM CDT

rance, have to say it's been a long time since i had a shorty followed by a double feature. hang on while i light up a cig.

well, that was satisfying. thank you for a great afternoon(er).

rick, seakrits, great job. i love anything with big hearted hookers and time travel. have to say, tho, it's obvious they were written by guys, read by guys, and posted by guys.
hope you give us gals equal time. of course, the one i wrote was geared toward pubescent males also. thought it might attract rance's attention.

admin, you've had a hell of a time these past few weeks. but you've pulled through without losing your cool. can i have some of those pink pills, please?

kisshugs to all

nastrovia

Saturday, 26 June 2004 - 10:55 PM CDT

Yay good job, dudes! ::throws bouquets of roses::
Been a long time since I heard the word queef. I don't think I have ever read it and probably would have spelled it with an A in there somewhere. Silly me.

So I went to see Fahrenheit 911 this weekend. I recommend it... an excellent piece of propaganda that I think will make a real difference at the poles. There was a straight mob scene at the theatre. Isn't it great when hate of a person brings people together so happily?

During previews I was thrilled to find out that there was a sequel to "Before Sunrise" called "Before Sunset" coming out July 2! Did anyone see Before Sunrise? It came out 9 years ago and starred Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. 2 people meet in Vienna and spend the day and night talking basically. Throughout they sort of jokingly vow that they will meet up again one day, but you suspect they never will and you are sad. I saw it when I was 14 and it was so special to me... up until then, the only movies I'd seen were very conventional. But, this movie was so real- their conversation so revelatory and vulnerable. So I am really excited to be able to have another piece of a story that I heard 9 years ago. How often does that happen? Well, James Bond has been at it for quite a while...

Rbn

Sunday, 27 June 2004 - 12:54 PM CDT

Is this entry from professional script writer Rick Suvalle? How are amateurs to compete with that? Not that I care about anything but the contents of that keg, you understand. If this Rick Suvalle is the same, how about sharing a glass or two with us? c[_] Here's my mug, fill it up, please! Even if it's Budweiser.

Good job, especially if you are different R.S.

Sunday, 27 June 2004 - 5:04 PM CDT

Eleanor bites WHAT in the end?



(My brain-tank is at post lobotomastic levels today so here's a quote from Groucho Marx:)

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. And inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -G.Marx

~Salty

Sunday, 27 June 2004 - 7:26 PM CDT

I really do think that the Angelina Jolie as a stripper/president is a cool idea! Even though I think a much better film scenario is Angelina as Gwenllian and fighting for Welsh independence from the English. Cymru am byth and all that...

BTW, your blog is really cool. And who cares if you really are a very sad person with a fetish for onions or garlic or something, because the writing is fun! :-)

Sunday, 27 June 2004 - 7:36 PM CDT

Shorty, have fun in Jersey....please give us a report. I only know the rest stops there, so I can't really offer any suggestions. But, the people I met were quite brutal. It was the worst doughnut line I'd ever been in in my life. Maybe it was because I was in a rest stop, or maybe it was because I was in Jersey, I dunno. Scary.

That's a lovely title, Rick. What will you use for a trumpet? You know, as increasingly reasonable of a career option as the pole has become, I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine sinking so low as to function as President. As one Abnormal Psych professor of mine taught, he thinks it's funny when people are shocked when the President is caught lying. It's his job! A man doesn't get to that position without being able and willing to lie lie lie. If anyone thinks any differently, they need to take off their rose colored glasses. Tuition dollars well spent, I'd say.

Sunday, 27 June 2004 - 8:23 PM CDT

Applause ... Applause!!! Good job Rick and Seakrits! And seakrits, you say you have no talent, PLEASE!!! Very cool and funny storylines. I think that if they made a full script for those two small paragraphs and made a real movie that you all would win Golden Globes (or Globs as Rance likes to call them!).

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 12:17 AM CDT

Dear Rance:

You know that this doesn't count as an entry on your blog, right.

What's up? What's going on, fool? I must know, I have to know; I'm dying to know what you?re doing. Am I obsessing again? Probably, I have a tendency to do just that. I can't afford to go to my shrink right now; I have to find a job first; you're just going to have to tell me something new going on in your life. I don't care what it is!!!

I have a confession; I think that I?ve gone off the deep end. I check into this blog way too often. I was so very glad that you hit me back last time I wrote to you. I think I?m getting a digital crush on you and soon I will have to use my digits to explore this new obsession. It's too bad I don't know who you are, at least then my digital fantasies could be more visual, but I?m a girl so I can do a lot with just the feelings you inspire within me, Rance. And, if not there is alway Colin Farrell to get me through the long hot nignts in NY.

Oh god, I need attention way too badly; it's a real problem. I usually just meet guys on the streets and in bars to get my fix, but looks like now I?m doing it in cyberspace too, how horrible, it's disgusting really. I'm awful.

You being in Hollywood, I guess you?re use to attention junkies and whores. I just don't really want to be that, but I guess I am.;] Oh, well.

I meet this older white man a couple of weeks ago in a little dive in the West Village. He was really sweet and nice to me. He gave me lots of attention. In fact, I thought he was gay until he kissed me. I went out with him to another little dive that I like in the East Village. But, all he talked about was his kid, his job, and his family. But, he wasn't really interested in finding out anything about me anymore. I think he was just trying to use me as some kind of sexy therapist, which happens to me a lot. So, I thought that I might try to make him my Sugar Daddy because like that girl in DC, you know the Washingtonette, I need some assistance with my living expenses. But, although he wanted to take me out places he kept mentioning that he had free airline tickets, complimentary hotel rooms, and an expense report. I figured he was cheap and I don't like cheap-ass men at all, especially white ones. Because, I really believe in an older white man-younger black girl arrangement you have to pay to play. Does that make me a whore? LOL ;)

Besides, he had no lips and I mean no lips. I?ve kissed many white guys in my life, but this guy took the no lips cake, it was like kissing a Brillo Pad, for real. And, did I mention he was cheap. I expressed to him that I wanted some new Reaction sandals and he told me the dollar store flip-flops, I was wearing at the time, were cute. Whatever! I knew right then and there I had to get rid of this loser. Because, no matter how much money he had he was not going to give me a damn dime of it. He thought I was some cheap-black-bitch and I?m not, this shit is too good for me to think that!!! What I got?s the bomb, it's sure to make any man convulse and detonate!!!

Back to this whore thing, I don't think I'm a whore. This man and me were not going to fall in love, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. No, he or we would just have a good time for a little while and I would be left with nothing. Life is made up of currency there is emotional currency and hard currency. If you?re not giving a girl emotional currency for her time and energy you?re going to have to come up off of the hard currency, that is just how it works. Does that make me a whore? No, no, no ,no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so. I'm just honest, which is a quality lacking in most girls these days. I've met straight whores, closet hoes, chicken heads, sluts, and sex addicts in my life. I'm none of those things; I'm just an attention junky that needs some new clothes, shoes, and some spending money! Is that so wrong? I didn't even do anything with this guy. He had no lips. So, I didn't even really kiss him. At least, it didn't count as a kiss to me. It was more like a peek, the kind you give to children. I just gave the old man a little thrill for his trouble. I really don't want to mess with old white men anymore; I felt like I was being molested, anyways.

What do you think Rance? You don't hate me? You don't think I'm a whore or a slut, do you? Tell me; I have to know.

Peace,
Marla X
The X stands for Sex, LOL

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 8:54 AM CDT

Wow a keg! Now I'll definately participate, a viper is just too pretentious for me....

Do we get to pick the beer flavor?

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 9:01 AM CDT

Having said that I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body, it is heartening to know that the essay theme started off on the right track for me. Upon further investigation, I thought I'd checkout Eleanor to see if she was one of those turn of the previous century hotties. I immediately realized that I should stick to remembering her for her humanitarian deeds and nothing else.

Fortunately for me and many other bruised-by-thrown-vegetable shut ins, Angelina came to the rescue, who I am sure is responsible for many women deciding to either switch teams or becoming non partisan.

E-Brawls

I think I missed out on a lot of that e-brawl. I miss out on a lot of things. I blame the 80's. That aside, I would happily examine the evidence and hand out my decision after getting the lap dancing visions of Angelina out of my mind.

Legal Disclaimer

No A-list actresses were objectified or harmed during any of the above fantasies. In the above fantasies, all participants willingly participated and were treated with the utmost respect and agreed to be involved in other related fantasies.

Rance, is there a Hollywood Fantasy Contract Rider or do I need one?
Since you said that your peers may be shallow, I may or may not be a "bruised-by-thrown-vegetable shut in".

Ken

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 12:14 PM CDT

My biggest claim to fame was writing for Pamela Anderson's "V.I.P." for four years. Would you call that "professional?" Nevertheless Waxwing, I'm more than willing to share my potential keg with you and even give you a ride in the Dodge Viper in the unlikely event one happens to arrive at my doorstep.

That being said, I do feel foolish for using my real name. I realized my faux pas literally nano-seconds after I clicked the "post comment" button. So now I've decided to employ a brilliant new alias...Sick Ruvalle. At least until I can come up with a more original one.

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 7:50 PM CDT

Sick Ruvalle,

After I drink a mug from the keg, I would likely pronounce your name "Sick Ruvalle" anyway even without your prompt. If I don't fall in a drown. A death worse than fate but can't think of better way. btw, I do not typically Google names. Because Rance called you "pitchers" (he meant movie pitchers, but I was in baseball mode since I just attended my first pro game) I thought he meant you played baseball and was looking to see what team. I can be so stoopid! [Insert Homer Simpson "Doh!" here]

I do thank you for your generousity and anticipate collecting on said promise.

Monday, 28 June 2004 - 11:53 PM CDT

So, I read Robyn's comment and thought, "Damn it's nice to know that someone else out there appreciates "Before Sunrise" as much as I do and is looking forward to seeing the next installment...and then I decided to look at her website, and damn it again, she's a brilliant artist. Anyway, just thought I'd compliment someone since there's been so much mean spirited conversing going on lately. Oh and Rance, you're brilliant too.

Bubba

Tuesday, 29 June 2004 - 12:10 AM CDT

Dear Rance and Family,
Okay, I have a question and...it's gonna sound really dumb, and I'll get made fun of by all the older kids on the play ground, and possibly e-beaten up. (It reminds me of being eleven years old again on the school bus hearing the word dildo and not knowing what it meant but not wanting to ask out of fear of being "uncool")
I can hardly even write it, it's so embarrassing,...What does...I just have to get this out all at once or it's never gonna happen...what does LOL mean?

Just needing a little e-guidance from his holiness,

Bubba In Training

Tuesday, 29 June 2004 - 10:46 AM CDT

I have to say that, even though Rance didn't know at the time, he gave chicks equal time, being as I'm female. I figured that since most of the time, men shrink at strong female leads, there had to be a way to market the blockbuster to the men, hence the "girl-on-girl" fight scene. Hope I didn't burst your bubble, Nastrovia!

seakrits

Tuesday, 29 June 2004 - 12:14 PM CDT

Aw, Bubba. I've been there and I promise neither to laugh nor e-beat you up. LOL means Laughing Out Loud. If you need further tips, check out http://www.web-friend.com/help/lingo/chatslang.html for a whole list of internet abbreviations and acronyms.

Tuesday, 29 June 2004 - 2:23 PM CDT

I am looking forward to seeing Fahrenheit 911. I wonder what Disney is going to come up with to counter Michael's propaganda. I think it should be titled "The little Georgie that would..." or "Tanks, Missiles and Apple Pie". I better stop now or I'll scuff the floor dragging out my soap box.

Ken

Tuesday, 29 June 2004 - 6:13 PM CDT

seakrits, please accept my apology. i hope i didn't offend. i jumped to a conclusion, assumed an assumption, without enough info. at my age, ya think i shoulda known better! again, i'm sorry.

by the by, "nastrovia" is a poorly spelled polish drinking toast. hope you win the keg...nastrovia!

kisshugs

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 9:26 AM CDT

Bubba

Ya broke a childhood memory for me. I had a similar problem with the word fuck when I was 10. Did we go to the same school as there appears to be a theme here? I had a feeling the word fuck was probably a bad word and its use should be kept in the strictist of confidence. In my little mind I tried relating the word fuck to other bad words in my vocabulary. The closest word I could think of was fart. My understanding from overhearing the other kids was that the word fuck usually involved more that one person. I surmised that fucking involved two people who were farting. The most disgusting act I could think of at the time was two people rubbing their bums and farting.

Needless to say, my first relationship had some surprises...
Ken

Wednesday, 30 June 2004 - 3:15 PM CDT

feenxc -
s'all good girl!
as i have no assumptions that i will ever catch up with waxwing, bard, etc, this is mostly in fun for me. thanks for the luck tho'.... :)

seakrits

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 12:19 PM CDT

Come on, Ken. Are you telling me that you didn't do the normal kid-thing of looking up those words in the dictionary? And then, you had to look up the words in THAT definition - upon which you had to then look up the words in that FOLLOWING definition. I took a bus to the Big Cosmopolitan City at 11 years old (yeah, I know you don't believe this, but my mother never knew where the f___ I was), because I knew they had a dictionary there with every word imaginable in it (obviously, I'd been there before - on a school field trip; and obviously, I hadn't wanted to be "uncool" either by admitting I didn't know what the H-E-Double-Toothpick those kids were talking about). Sure enough, the "F" word was in there! - the dictionary was like a foot thick, honestly, and up on this podium. I had to stand on a chair to reach it. It's Old English, and it's one of the first acronyms I ever heard. It means "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge." So now you know. You absolutely CANNOT f___ your wife - for that knowledge would not be carnal (as f___ing your wife is lawful). I just love furthering the public education. (And I apologize, but I really do have a problem writing the "F" word on the 'Net. Stupid in this day and age, I know. I laud your courage - 'cause I just ain't got it.)

P.S. If the Administrative Staff ever publishes one of my posts, I'm going to fall down and f___ING die of the shock.

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 3:33 PM CDT

Where I come from we say H-E-Double-hockey sticks and use the Oxford dictionary. Unfortunately for me as a first grader, living on a farm and in possession of a last name that rhymed with the word fuck, there were some problems with that word. Some of the street wise kids in my class noticed this and it was not much of an effort to alter my school books to read "Ken Fuck" as the owner of them. When I brought my books home, my mother noticed this and told me that I was going to H-E-Double-hockey sticks for altering my blessed name. This was the beginning of my quest to learn the meaning of the word fuck. I spent many hours in the library scouring the card files, dictionaries and encyclopedias for the meaning of the word fuck. I even worked out a way of lying to the librarian about the research that I was conducting. I couldn't ask an adult for fear of going straight to H-E-Double-hockey sticks. So I was left to my devices and figure it out on my own.

In hindsight, I wish I knew a savvy lady like yourself to rub bums with.

Yours Truly
Ken Fuck
(Sorry mom)

Thursday, 1 July 2004 - 4:20 PM CDT

Big thank you's to all of you's. Especially Ken; rubbing bums and farting...Hahahahahahah....see no need for LOLing.
And HAB, thanks for clearing up the matter so politely, LOL to you (That ones Lots of Love, cause that's kinda what I thought it meant). And I hope that Inga didn't die. Cheers to Rance in the hope that he brings back stories from the weekend that also involve LOLing...but more like Laying on Linoleum, from a severe ninja shoesalesperson attack or, too many beers.

By the way, loll means to recline or lean in a relaxed, lazy or indolent manner. Which is what I hope everyone does all weekend.

Bubba